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He huffs. “I was your firefly boy when we were little. What we had going here was different than that.”
“No! Not to me it isn’t. You’re still my best friend, and you always will be.”
He looks me in the eye. “There’s a difference between being best friends and your boyfriend. I wonder if you don’t understand that difference.”
I reach for his hand again, and this time, he lets me hold it. “I do know the difference. I really do. You are both for me. Not many people can say that.”
He shakes his head and looks out at the front lawn. “I meant what I’ve told you a thousand times. I do love you, Sadie. I always have. God”—he gets up and paces around the porch—“I used to fantasize about kissing you in elementary school. Every one of my friends would talk about all these other girls, but for me, it was always you. No one else.”
Tears start to flow from my eyes that I try to blink away, but it’s too late.
“This”—he motions back and forth between us—“is exactly why I was terrified to start anything with you. I never wanted us to be here. I never wanted us to end up like my parents. You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember. I don’t know life without you.” His voice cracks, and I rush up to his side, but he steps away to gain his composure.
“And I feel the same way.”
He shakes his head as he leans against the railing. “You might say that, but I don’t think you really mean it. Not the way I mean it. I’m your best friend, yes. But you’re my soul mate.”
I wrap my arms around myself, trying my hardest not to break down and cry.
“The only reason you would ever react that way about anyone is if you did have feelings for him. So, I’ll ask you again. Do you like him?”
I stare in his eyes, seeing the hurt that I’ve caused him and feeling my own heart crumble inside at the same time. But he’s right. Maybe I don’t love him the way he loves me.
For the first time, I try to be honest with him and myself and nod ever so slightly. “I must have feelings for him left that I didn’t know were there.”
He stands up and heads toward the house.
“Where are you going?”
“You said all I needed to hear. We’re through.”
He enters his house, and I run back to mine as tears fall down my face.
* * *
Heather sits on my bed with a sigh. “You can’t just stay in here forever.”
“Watch me.” I curl back up in bed after letting her in the house.
I’m thankful she’s still my friend because, without her, I have no one. That doesn’t mean I need to go out though.
Thank God school is out, so I only have practice where I have to see other people. Besides that every morning, I haven’t left the house any other time.
Practice has been awkward as hell, and I know all the other girls whisper behind my back about what happened, and it just makes it worse. Poor Heather is stuck in the middle between her best friends. I told her many times she can go with Megan and I won’t be hurt, but thankfully, she’s really tried to still be friends with both of us.
“Come on. I won’t take no for an answer.” She yanks my covers off, and I let out a whine. “We’re just going to the mall. You need to get back to normal life. Half the summer is gone already.”
She’s right. I need to get my ass up and stop feeling sorry for the drama that I caused.
“Fine.” I stand up, and she looks at me more closely.
“You’re going to shower first, right?”
I throw my shirt at her after I take it off. “Fine.”
I grab my towel and head toward the shower.
“I’d better get more words from you thanfinewhile we’re out,” she yells.
