Page 40 of Kodiak

Then, of course, there was Kaiya and what had happened between them this morning. He was still shocked at his openness, his trust in her. He never talked about his family to anyone, not even his brothers. All those emotions had been bottled up and recessed to allow him to have control over them, to attain what he thought was a balance between his past life and the current life he was leading.

But now he wasn’t so sure about that careful balance he’d tried to maintain…he was now thinking it was somewhat of a lie…to himself. Maybe his idea of balance was an illusion.

There was no mistaking it. The SEALs had saved him. It was only after his mom was safe from his dad that he’d been freed from that emotional rollercoaster ride. He had to navigate between an unyielding, abusive father and a compromising mother. When he’d wanted to speak out, she would always saydon’t rock the boat.He had to cope with physical and mental abuse toward his mom, sisters, and himself. With his mom not engaging, it was frustrating whenever he tried to intervene. It seemed to make matters worse. Maybe, because of all that turmoil, he’d dissociated from the threatening and traumatic events around him, and by adopting the role of peacemaker during his family conflicts he’d put aside his own emotions.

He wasn’t sure, but Kaiya made him think about these things, and about how deeply he’d connected to her. Even with all their divergent parts, their lovemaking had been more than that, like two lonely and lost halves who fit together into a cohesive and fantastic whole. He’d been shocked and moved by it all. He was still sorting out how he was feeling.

Not something he would have done before he met Kaiya, but now it was too important for him to understand not only what he was going through now, but what he’d been through to shape who he was. She was making him look inside himself and assess and analyze everything from the way he felt about his mixed race to his feelings regarding the ill-advised disaster of the pull-out of Afghanistan, to his deep-seated feelings about his family and himself. Kaiya was such a treasure, and it was becoming all too clear that she was beginning to mean a great deal to him. More than any woman in his life.

That was also a stunning realization that was going to take time to break apart and deal with.

Especially about how they were going to move forward with a relationship when he would be going back to the States, and she would be here in Australia.

Which led him back to why he was here in the first place. They were able to thwart one disastrous attack, now they had to neutralize two more. Lives were hanging in the balance. Maybe because of the way he was thinking about himself and his own personal problems, it helped him to reflect on Archie. There was one way to help him help them, and it was all rooted in emotion. He got an idea and didn’t know if it would work, but it was worth a try.

He rose as Kaiya walked out of her boss's office and was struck a bit dumb. She looked…beautiful and he wanted to touch her again, caress her soft, warm skin and hair. That bit of tenderness weaving through his system startled him, and he worked at getting himself under control.

“Hey,” she said, eyeing his purposeful look.

“How did it go?”

“Fine. She’s happy with the outcome but knows we still have irons in the fire. What do you have on your mind? You look like you just got an answer to a tough question.”

“I don’t know if it’s a long shot, but I might have a way to get through to Archie. We need him to talk, and we need that now.”

She nodded. Her gaze pinned him. “What do you have in mind?”

He grabbed the fob off the desk. “I need to do some shopping.”

Thirty minutes later, Kodiak and Kaiya knocked on the safe house door. They had already called ahead they were coming, so the AFP watchdogs were ready for them. Once inside, Kodiak walked over to the chair where Archie sat looking out the window. Mickey was watching TV but turned it off when they entered.

“How is he?” Kaiya asked, casting a glance at the man who hadn’t moved a muscle. A plate with a sandwich and a handful of chips sat next to him but hadn’t been touched. At least the water bottle was empty.

“The same. I keep trying to get him to respond, but he just stares out the window, the poor bloke.” Mickey’s eyes lit up at the case Kodiak had clutched in his hand. “That’s brilliant, mate. Good on you.”

“Let’s see if Archie thinks it’s worth a look,” Kodiak said. He walked around to face Archie, but the man didn’t acknowledge him. He set the case on the ottoman and some life flickered in Archie’s eyes. Kodiak opened the case and revealed the gleaming violin and its bow. He’d spent time talking to the music store clerk before he’d made a decision. The instrument had been pricey, but it would be worth every penny to get Archie back into the real world and out of his slump.

Archie took a couple of hard breaths.

“This is for you, Mr. Baker. I heard you love to play, but someone took your instrument. I know this isn’t yours, but I hope this meets with your approval.”

Normally, Kodiak would take a neutral stance here, but something about Archie Baker got to him. The man was utterly lost to his pain, and the only thing that had given him one iota of comfort had been his violin. He felt an almost unreasonable compassion for anyone who, for whatever reason, had been cheated out of a normal existence. And Archie was certainly one of those. It was easy to understand how a veteran who had either been unable to get assistance from his VA or his past trauma had paralyzed him, leading him to fall into hard times.

Archie reached out almost explosively and slammed the case closed, then dropped his face into his hands. Disappointment flowed through Kodiak, but he wasn’t going to give up that easily. The only easy day was yesterday.

He opened the case again, gently pulled out the violin, and grabbed up the bow. He was extremely rusty, and the piano was his choice of instrument to play. He tucked the violin just under his chin and applied pressure to keep it there. Then he closed his eyes and started to play the first song he’d been taught:Amazing Grace.

It was a timeless hymn of salvation and one of the most recognizable Christian songs in the world. It was played at weddings and funerals—in fact, it had been played at his sister Sakari’s funeral and had brought the congregation to tears. He believedAmazing Gracehad the power to confer dignity at times of extreme vulnerability.

He also lovedHallelujah, but he wasn’t as confident playing that song as he was forAmazing Grace. Even with that confidence, he scratched the third note terribly, but continued to play. As the notes of the song progressed, and even with his mistakes, Archie slowly dropped his hands, tears clear on his cheeks. Kodiak remembered the shock and pain he’d felt through that whole funeral as Archie’s tears slipped off his chin. His baby sister had ceased to exist by her own hand, and he reeled from how blind he’d been to her pain.

But he wasn’t blind here. He liked to think he wasn’t manipulating Archie to get information from him, although that was one of his goals. He wanted to bring the man out, get him to feel his losses, and choose to be strong.

Then Archie’s scratchy voice sang the next words, and Kodiak met his gaze. The torment in Archie’s eyes made his heart stall as he clumsily bowed out the next few notes. Archie managed to get out a few more words of the song, then his voice broke, and he roughly massaged his eyes, hauling in a tight, unsteady breath.

He stood and reached out his hands. “Give it over, mate.” Kodiak stopped playing. “Let me have a go.” Archie’s voice was raw with emotion as he continued. “Good attempt.” He swallowed hard and gouged at his eyes again, trying to control the moisture that gathered along his lashes. Kodiak wasn’t sure if Archie was talking about his violin playing, or his attempt to get the man to engage.

He drew another deep breath when Kodiak put the instrument into his shaking hands, his face scored by the same raw emotion that had roughened his voice. He didn’t meet Kodiak’s gaze as he went on, his voice strained to the limit when he started playingAmazing Gracethe way it was meant to be played. By a master.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com