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She giggles before tossing the rag in the sink and standing in front of me, doing that sexy thing she does when she plants her hands on the bar and I imagine railing her from behind.
So much for clean thinking.
“I guess you could. But I just made a list of stuff I was doing to try to mask my shit. Also, I took a long, hard look in the mirror and realized I was spiraling.” Her eyes grow sad. “I didn’t want to end up like my dad. So, I pulled myself together and got my shit straight. Or…I’m trying to at least.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to be like your dad?”
“Well, he’s dead. Drug overdose.” She tries to play it off when she says it. But I can tell it hurts.
“Oh, fuck. Sorry,” I mutter. “If it’s any consolation, I get it. My dad wasn’t exactly a picture-perfect father figure either. Actually, the opposite.”
“Sucks, doesn’t it?” She sighs. “Having parents who suck.”
“Sure does. So, what’s your list?” I raise an eyebrow. “Your big, bad, naughty list of things you were doing wrong.”
Her Caribbean-blue eyes light up even more. “If you show me yours, I’ll show you mine,” she whispers, raising an eyebrow.
My lips form a straight line. “Sex. Fighting. Drinking. Not necessarily in that order.” I pause. “And hockey. Hockey masks a lot of shit. But I can’t give that up.”
“Taking pictures is something I do that numbs my pain. But I figure it’s a healthy outlet, so I think it’s fine. Helpful even. Same with hockey.”
“And so…what? This is supposed to heal us? If I don’t get wasted, don’t beat the shit out of anyone, and keep my dick in my pants for a while, I’ll be a better man?”
“I don’t know. I just…after my dad died, I went a little crazy, trying to numb every feeling in my body. I couldn’t stand myself sober or alone. I kept searching for some sort of fulfillment. From drinking or getting high. And from physical attraction. Then, one morning, I woke up next to some random guy. My head was pounding from the night before, and I realized that had become my new norm, yet I never actually felt happy. I just felt…empty inside. I wanted to change that.”
She chews on her lip. “But it isn’t about sex or lack of sex. It’s not even aboutnotsleeping around because, at the end of the day, if you aren’t cheating, who cares? For me, it’s about loving myself. Being able to stand myself as company and not needing anything to take the edge off of that.” She covers her face. “I can’t believe I just told you all of that.”
“Damn, me neither.” I suck in a breath. “But I’m glad you did. I’m in.”
She looks surprised. “Really?”
“Yeah. But before we start, should we…you know? Fuck in the restroom first? That way, we start this mission off with a bang.”
Annoyance grows apparent in her eyes before I reach out and grab her wrist.
“I’m joking. I mean, I’d go for it if you would, but I’m a changed man now. I’m keeping my penis to myself. I’m basically a reborn virgin.”
Slowly, she smiles. “Don’t push it.”
“I think we should hold each other accountable though, right? There’s no way I’m telling my buddies about this. They’d never shut up about it. At least if we hang out, we can keep each other on track.”
She sucks in a breath, closing her eyes for a second before looking at me again. “Fine. But don’t even think about trying to sleep with me. Or flirt. Or catch feelings.”
“Do I look like the type of dude who catches feelings?” I scowl. “As for trying to fuck you, I’m offended. I’m a goddamn clean-living man. I won’t be tempted by the fruit that is your lady parts.” I pause. “Wait, can we still…you know?”
Reading my mind, she rolls her eyes. “Yes. Whack off all you want, O’Brien.”
“Thank God.” I groan. “I don’t want my nuts to get so full that they explode.”
Her nose scrunches up. “You’re so nasty.”
“You have no idea,” I mutter before holding my hand out. “Shake on it, Wildflower. Make it official.”
Maybe I’m just trying to entertain the only chick who didn’t want to jump on my cock at the first sight of me. Or maybe, in some fucked up way, I think this little pact bullshit can fix me. Whatever it is, I have my suspicions that when this pact ends, shit will get messy between her and me.
But even knowing this, I’m diving in anyway.
7
