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“So, what happened then?” Kye shrugs, putting his arm around the back of Winter’s chair. “Why aren’t you friends or lovers or whatever the fuck you were?”
I look at him and Winter. “Remember when you two lovebirds thought you could just be friends? Nothing more?”
They look at each other, nodding, before looking back at me.
“Well, what happened?” I ask them.
“We fell in love with each other,” Winter whispers. “And then things got messy.”
Sitting back in my chair, I wave my hand. “Well, there you have it. Except, in my case, one fell in love. The other one didn’t.”
“Which were you?” Kye mutters blatantly. “You typically aren’t the girl to fall in love or even give a shit about a dude.”
I smile the smallest, saddest smile before breathing out a short-lived laugh. “As you said, he’s Brody O’Brien. He’s untamable. So, who do you think fell in love?”
“Fuck, B.” Kye cringes. “That sucks. I’m sorry.”
“Give it time,” Winter whispers, putting her hand on mine. “Things have a weird way of working out.”
Wiping my eyes before any tears roll down my face, I try to appear like I don’t care by smiling. “It’s fine. Anyway…new subject.Anysubject.”
“Well, I guess it’s time for the million-dollar question. Are we surfing after this or what?” Kye glances between us. “You know I didn’t bring my board home for nothin’.”
I inhale and blow it out. The only surfing I’ve done since my dad died has been indoors at the place Brody took me to. But the real, live ocean? At the very beach we were at with Dad the last time we surfed with him? That might be too much.
Looking at Kye, I see how badly he wants this—all of us, his favorite people in the world, to go tear up the waves.
So, pushing my fear to the side, I nod. “Let’s do it.”
“Hell yes!” he cheers. “Let’s go!”
And somehow, in my subconscious, I know Brody is the reason why I agreed. Because if he taught me anything, it’s that, sometimes, you just have to rip the Band-Aid off and do shit. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
I sit in the sand, watching my brother try to teach Winter how to surf for what could be the hundredth time since they’ve been together. Some are naturals; some are not.
Winter, God love her, is the latter.
My brother hasn’t been a patient guy a day in his life. Yet I watch Kye with her, and patience is all he has. They laugh through it, splashing each other with water before he says something to make her laugh even harder. They are adorable.
More than that…they are happy. Kye had so much of his childhood tainted as a result of our dad’s addiction. I never really thought my brother would ever move on from the past and make a future. But he has. He’s content.
And truthfully, I’m a little jealous.
I guess I never really stopped and thought about what it could mean to really love someone. Not just love them, but to feel like your whole world begins and ends with that person. Someone whose happiness you care more about than your own. I never imagined a white picket fence or kids playing in my yard. Never felt my womb ache with the thought of carrying a baby in it one day.
And aside from losing my dad, I never felt my heart break to the point of no recovery.
Until Brody.
Now, I keep circling back to how good it felt to finally be with someone who understood me. Who saw me for what I was and didn’t want me to be anything else. But then there’s the darker side of it. The side where, in just that short time spent together, I lost myself just to make him feel better. I went by his conditions, never demanding what I needed in return. That’s not fair to me. But while he took, he gave too. In fact, even though he tried to downplay it, a lot of our friendship was spent with him doing things to make me feel special. Even if he didn’t realize that was what he was doing all along, he was. And I never felt more seen than I did with him. But I can’t have him. He will never be mine—or anyone else’s for that matter. And if I can’t have him…I don’t want anyone else. At least not right now. Because he was the first person to awaken my soul, bringing it to life.
I’ve never been naive enough to believe in soulmates. But then…along came Brody O’Brien. And suddenly, I know I didn’t only meet mine, but lost him too.
21
Bria
Why did I think I should work at a bar when I don’t even like people all that much?I ask myself as I take a short break on an old chair in the back of Club 83, not wanting to go back inside.
