Page 79 of Filthy Boy


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Her eyebrows pull together, and I can tell she’s panicking.

“Just be careful, okay? I know you have to do this. I get it. But I’m just…” Her voice breaks. “I’m just nervous.”

Kissing her forehead, I look in her eyes. “I promise, I’ll be okay. I’ll be right back, and we can go home.”

She nods slowly, and her nostrils flare as she drags in a tense breath through her nose. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Jerking my head toward the dirt driveway, I give her a lopsided grin. “Darkness and all?”

She bobs her head up and down, her eyes filling with tears. “Darkness and all.”

Getting out of the truck, I exhale before starting down the driveway, Cam right beside me.

It might not make sense to some, but I know, deep down, Bria gets it. Why I need to do this final thing before I can move on from this part of my life.

For so long, I’ve lived with demons. I haven’t only lived with them; I’ve let them control everything I do. That’s over now. It has to be.

As we continue walking down the driveway, Cam and I don’t speak a word. And when we reach the old trailer, surrounded by trash in the yard and broken-down cars with busted-out windows…I sigh, stopping for a second and swallowing hard.

“I’m right here, brother,” Cam says softly. “Ain’t going anywhere either.”

Glancing at him, I move my head up and down in acknowledgment before walking up the two broken stairs and knocking on the door. I don’t expect him to answer. At least not right away. But after a minute or so, he pulls the door open.

His eyes are as dead inside as they’ve ever been. And one look at me has his entire body tense.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He glares before his eyes move to Cam. “I see you had to bring backup. Your bitch ass was scared,” he snarls. “Pathetic. You’ve always been pathetic. And fucking dumb.”

Something inside of me snaps. Something that I’ve always done with anyone else. But never him. With my father, I’ve never been able to fight back. I’ve cowered to this man my entire life. Not now though. I’ve had enough.

Grabbing him by the throat, I pull him outside and shove him against the door.

“I could have killed you with my two bare hands years ago,Dad,” I say through gritted teeth, pushing harder on his neck, making him gasp for air. “I could have, but I didn’t.” I release him just enough to get in a breath. “I didn’t. And you know why that is? Huh,Dad?” I say the word again like it’s supposed to mean something even though it doesn’t mean jack shit. “It took me nearly twenty-one years to figure out why.” I glare into his eyes, feeling the veins in my neck bulging. “It’s because I’m not you.”

Breathing heavily, he sneers, “You have enough of me in you, boy. Give it time.”

I push him harder, my nostrils flaring. “I’ll never be like you. You useless, abusive, sick fuck. I promise you that. And the only time you’ll be seeing me again is the day you die. When I come back to piss on your grave.”

Giving him one last shove, I get my face an inch from his. “I don’t know why you’ve always hated me so much, but I don’t care anymore either.” I drag in a breath, my heart racing. “I’d love to leave you in a pile on the ground right now. No one would find you because who the fuck would come looking for a piece of shit like you?”

Releasing him, I step back. “But you’re lucky. Because to me, you’re not worth it.” I hold my eyes to his. “Fuck you, old man. I can’t wait for the day you burn in hell. Because I promise, that’s exactly where you’re going.”

Walking down the stairs, I hear a thud, and when I turn around, my dad is grabbing his nose, and Cam is shaking his fist at his side, having just landed one right in my father’s face.

“What the fuck?!” my dad wails. “You’ll pay for that.”

“Sure I will,” Cam says, shaking his head. “Guess he’s notthatlucky, O’Brien.” He shrugs, coming to walk next to me. “Sorry, I just had to.”

I give him the smallest grin. “Thanks.”

“What for?”

“Just for being my family.” I nod. “Means a lot.”

Bumping his fist to mine, he smirks. “Always.”

As we walk to the truck and away from my childhood hell, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I finally feel free from the darkness that is my old man. I know the scars of the past will stay with me for the rest of my life. But I don’t have to live in it all the time anymore. I’m free.

I’m breaking the cycle thatismy family.

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