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prologue
Cade
Ilie on my side, staring out the window, wishing like hell I could get out of here but knowing deep down that I’m exactly where I need to be.At fucking rehab.
The image of my mother’s face flashes in my mind as I think back to when she and my father dropped me off here last week. She was crying. She felt terrible for lying to me and bringing me here. But instead of easing her mind, I was a dick. Because in that moment, I wasn’t concerned with her feelings. I just knew I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to go through withdrawal or be stuck in a rehab facility for weeks upon weeks.
The moment I’d figured out where they were bringing me, I was so desperate to change their minds. I knew there was no getting through to my dad, so I preyed on my mother instead. I needed to go back to my house. I’d get clean. I would. But first, I needed to snort something just one last time. I cried, yelled, and begged. Nothing had worked. I guess, eventually, I realized myass really wasn’t going home with them. It was stay here and get clean, or take off and be off the team … forever.
On the plus side, I’m now on the other end of withdrawal. I no longer feel like I’m going to die, which is nice. Puking, shitting, sweating, and the worst body aches you could ever imagine while you deprive your body and mind of the one thing it is convinced it needs?Thatwill make you almost wish you were dead. Every time I go through the withdrawal process, I tell myself the same thing.Never again will I touch another drug. Yet here I lie, wishing I could have something to take the edge off while my nerves are going crazy.
Before my parents came and got me at Brooks, Haley tried to talk to me. I knew she had told Hunter that she was worried and that I was doing drugs. It had to have been her—she was the one who had fucking walked in on me when I was about to snort a line in the bathroom. But the day I left, I was still fucking mad at her. After all, it was her fault that my parents were crying. So, when she came to me that morning, begging for me to talk to her, I ignored her. She tried to grab me, but I pulled away.
I left her crying, and I didn’t care. Not because she’d ended my run with drugs. But because she’d turned my life upside down. My teammates would never look at me the same. My parents would be back to not trusting me. And not to mention, my body would fucking hate me over the next few days, if not weeks. It was her fault that I was starting to feel like absolute shit. It was her fault that I was letting my team down by going to rehab instead of being on the ice with them. Everything was her fucking fault in that moment. And because of that, I couldn’t look at her. Even if she was an angel sent from heaven just to save my ass.
But even though I felt like I hated her, I knew I loved her too. I guess I had loved her since the night she had found me having a breakdown in my bedroom less than a week ago. Maybe evenbefore. She could have walked—no, run—out of the room and away from me. Instead, she told me she loved me. I didn’t say it, but I knew I loved her right back.
But I don’t love her enough. I don’t know if I ever could. Because my brain was wired to be a selfish man. And I’ve always put what I needed before caring about anyone else.
Even her.
And do people ever really change? I fucking doubt it.
1
Haley
Four Months Earlier
Ilook around my dorm room, silently stewing while grinding my back teeth together, staring at the damage from when the bottom floor of this building flooded, thanks to the worst rain and windstorm I have ever seen.
I stuff some things into my bags, knowing that I won’t be able to stay here for a while. I like it here. I adore rooming with my best friend, and I love that this building is centrally located to most of my classes.
Remi walks into our room, pacing around nervously, dragging her hands through her hair. “What the hell are we supposed to do? Classes started weeks ago. There are no available dorms left. Oh, and on top of it, I got an email, saying it could be months before this is cleaned up.”
Remi and I have been best friends since we were kids. So, I’m well aware that she is someone who gets worked up easily. She likes things to be perfect, and when they aren’t, she sort of—okay, she really freaks out.
Her phone rings, and she quickly answers, sounding frantic, of course. “Hello?”
I can’t hear who is on the other end, but when I see her bobbing her head up and down, eyes wide, I know it’s likely something to do with our future living arrangements. She chats for a few minutes before ending the call.
“They have space for one of us in the east dorms.” She swallows. “You take it. My parents are only an hour and a half from here. I’ll commute.”
“What? No. Absolutely not.” I shake my head. “My brother has an open room. I’ll just crash there until they repair this place.” Looking around, I cringe. “Which might be a while.”
“Are you sure?” She comes closer, putting her hands on my shoulders. “I mean, Hales, he lives with another hockey player. Won’t that be totally awkward for you?”
“Twoothers actually.” I laugh, holding up two fingers. “And, no, it will be fine. I highly doubt any of them are home much anyway.” I give her a weak smile, dropping my hand down. “It will be all right. And you and I, we’ll still meet up and hang out, right?”
“Duh!” She nods. “All the damn time.”
“Good.” I smile, taking my phone out. “Time for me to break the news to Hunter that his baby sister is crashing his house!”
“Are you sure about this?” She sighs, looking nervous.
“No, but it’ll be fine.” I nod. “Heck, maybe even fun. Who knows?”
I inhale slowly. Because I’m not nervous about living with hockey players. I’m just scared of looking like a total idiot infront of Cade Huff because his very presence turns me into a twelve-year-old girl.
