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“I loved Lisa, don’t get me wrong. She was the first woman I’d ever been with. We had a child together and would always be connected. I wasn’tin lovewith her anymore, and she felt the same way about me. We had a hard marriage, and we stayed together for one reason only, and that was Hadley. Things had been over between us long before either of us wanted to admit it.”
My arms wrapped around my body to keep the sudden chill away. “So you were sleeping with her best friend?”
Aiden shook his head and sighed. “No. Of course not. After Lisa died, I was lost and angry. I was also scared, thinking about what life would be like as a single dad and what it would mean for Hadley. I kept looking back at things and asking myself if I’d done enough. Did I fight for our marriage? Had it ever been real love in the first place?
“Nancy stayed at the house for a week or so after Lisa died, because I was an utter mess. Guilt, grief, confusion. I had no idea how I was going to raise a little girl by myself. All of it messed with my head. One morning, I woke up after a night of heavy drinking…and Nancy was in bed with me. I don’t remember any of it.”
I covered my mouth with a hand as the other went to my instantly roiling stomach.
“Nancy said we’d slept together, and she insisted it was what Lisa would have wanted. I knew that wasn’t true. I highly doubt my dead wife wanted me jumping into bed with a married woman not even a week after she’d died, and especially not Nancy. I did the only thing I felt was right—I told Nancy to get out and never come back, then I went and told her husband. I still don’t know what happened that night. I was so drunk; Idon’t even think I wascapableof having sex. But I just don’t know.”
“How could she do that?” I whispered.
He shrugged. “She’s an evil bitch, and she’s been after me for years. It’s no secret to anyone in town.”
We stood there for a few moments in silence before Aiden spoke again. “The guilt of it all weighed pretty heavy on me. I drank a lot to cope, had a couple one-night stands, but all that did was make me feel even guiltier.
“The day Lisa died…she asked me to tell her that I loved her. I did, but she just shook her head and smiled at me. She told me I was a terrible liar. That she knew I loved her, but that I hadn’t beeninlove with her for a long time.”
“Why would she do that to you if she wasn’t in love with you, either? That seems a bit cruel.”
He shrugged. “I’ll never know. But she went on to say that there was someone out there who’d already captured my heart, I simply hadn’t met her yet. She told me to find love, move on. I didn’t argue with her, Emma. I didn’t tell her she was wrong or insist she stop talking. But I also didn’t make her feel loved when she was dying. What kind of a man does that make me?”
His chin trembled, and he wiped away his tears. Before I could speak, he went on.
“Then,youwalk into my life, and it was like a light was turned on somewhere deep inside of me. I felt things I’d never felt before, for anyone. I feel like I can breathe when you’re near. I feel alive. And that scares me, because I would never want to hurt you or disappoint you like I did Lisa. And letting you into my heart scares the piss out of me.
“It’s been over a year since Lisa died, and I still haven’t figured out how to deal with this emptiness in my chest. All I know is, I don’t feel it when you’re with me. When you smile or laugh. Or when I watch you with Hadley.”
His eyes captured mine.
“You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now, Emma.”
My teeth dug into my lower lip, and Aiden’s breath caught.
“Tell me what to do,” he said, almost begging me. “I don’t know what to do. Because everything I said to my mother was a lie. Just more scared words to try to keep my heart safe.”
He looked away for a moment, as if ashamed. Then he shook his head and sighed.
“How is it that it feels like you’ve always been here, Emma? You walked into our lives, and you fit perfectly. You’re the first person I think of when I wake up. Not Hadley—you. When I’m upset about something, I have to fight the urge to call or walk up here to talk to you. When Hadley does something funny or discovers something new, I look around for you, excited to share it. Lisa was right. The person I’m supposed to lovewasout there somewhere. I don’t know what to do next, Emma…but I do know one thing. I’ve always known you…in here…”
He pointed to his chest, and I felt my chin wobble.
“I don’t know how to explain it, and I’m tired of fighting it, Emma.”
Slowly, I made my way over to him. I stopped inches from his body and placed my hands on his chest. I watched as he closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath.
“You need to forgive yourself, Aiden. You need to let go of the past and all the guilt and focus on the future.”
His eyes opened, and we stared at one another.
“Have you let go of your past, Emma?”
My voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m trying.”
His hand moved up the side of my arm, leaving a trail of tingles that felt both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. “There is no way on this Earth we found one another on our own.”
“Aiden,” I whispered as a tear slipped free, and he watched it roll down my face.
