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Chapter sixteen
Sophia
Certain things can send a girl reeling into a full-on panic attack first thing in the morning.
One of those things?
Realizing you've just passed the threshold for Plan B.
I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, my eyes wide as I realize the error of my ways. I let him come inside me—multiple times, many times without thinking—and I didn't even bother to consider birth control. As far as I know, I could be pregnant right now with his...
I look over at him, rolling to my side to look into his face. Ryan is sound asleep, stretched out beside me with his lips slightly parted, his brow furrowed in the middle of a dream. He's so gruff and commanding and hot as hell when he's awake, but he's got this gentleness to him...
Would it be so bad?
Maybe I'm crazy, but I can't stop thinking about what he told me about Amanda. Ryan wanted to have a family more thananything. I've seen how he is with his dog, how good of a guy he is...
Oh my god. It's my goddamn biological clock working its magic, and I need to get to the drugstore ASAP, or I'm going to run out of time.
I quietly slide out of bed, looking at the bedside clock as I go. It's five A.M., Not a great time to be scooting around New York City alone. But I don't want to worry Ryan, and I don't want to bring up all the complicated feelings around saying I love you not a week into dating, potentially getting pregnant...it's all too much.
No, I need to do this on my own.
Tex follows me down the stairs after I pull on a hoodie and jeans, whining slightly when I go to the store. He's eager for an early morning walk, so I lean down and scratch him behind the ears.
"When I get back in a few minutes, I'll take you for a walk," I whisper. "Pinky promise."
I extend my pinky, and Tex gives it a single lick.
"Good boy," I whisper.
I grab my bag and my keys, let myself out of the apartment, and then head down the stairs. The doorman gives me a friendly smile as I pass. "Good morning, Miss Lyonne. Up early today?"
"Just not feeling well, and I'm off to the pharmacy," I smile. "I'll be right back."
"Feel better soon," he says.
Fuck, it's weird to report to a concierge.
That's okay, though.
I head out the door and onto the streets, dawn light barely peeking over the horizon. I put my hands in my coat pockets, the wound in my arm aching a little even though it's healing up well, and I keep my head down as I go. Ever since the attempted mugging, I've been a little paranoid walking alone—but Ryanlives in a good part of town, and there are joggers going by me, reminding me that I'm not alone out here.
The pharmacy is open twenty-four hours, and the cashier gives me a sympathetic look when I check out with my Plan B. I ignore it, even though my hands shake as I shove it into my bag, and then I go right back to the apartment.
I hurry back upstairs, my heart pounding with anxiety. I don't know why I'm so nervous; I've taken Plan B before, and it's always worked. But this time...this time feels different.
This time, I can't shake the feeling that I might be pregnant.
And that maybe I want to keep it.
I slip back into the apartment, trying not to make any noise. Ryan is still sleeping, his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. I pause for a moment, watching him, wondering what he would say if I told him I might be carrying his child. Would he be happy? Angry? Terrified?
I push the thought away and head to the bathroom, tearing open the box of Plan B. I know I should just take it, that this is moving way too fast, that it would be irresponsible not to. But then I consider the possibilities.
What if I do want to keep it? What if I want to have a family with Ryan, raise a child, and grow old together?
I sit on the edge of the bathtub, staring at the little pill in my hand.
