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I can only shake my head at her antics.
“Mom, you never talk about that time in your life, before you got pregnant with me. What happened to you in college? Why did you drop out and spiral into addiction? Will you tell me what caused it?”
“It’s not something I like to talk about or something I’m proud of.”
“I want to understand what happened.”
I sigh. “Fine, but please don’t think less of me.”
She grabs my hand. “Never. I owe everything to you. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. Nothing you tell me will change that.”
I squeeze her hand in return. “I love you. Even though it was unplanned, having you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and worth everything I endured. You are my proudest accomplishment.”
She nods. “Tell me.”
“As you know, I was studying art. What I never told youwas that I was seeing an amazing man.” I smile thinking about him. “We were in love. He’s probably the only man that has ever truly loved me.”
“Mom, Rick loved you in his own way.”
“Maybe. It was different though. I know what all-encompassing love feels like. I never had that with Rick. I had it with my college boyfriend, but unfortunately, I ruined the best thing I ever had. I started doing drugs. He was an athlete, destined for professional baseball, so I kept the drug use away from him. At least I tried to. When I was high one night, he took the drugs away from me and tried to remove me from a bad situation. The police came and found my drugs on him. He was arrested and suspended from the team. I was in a shame spiral after that. His best friend came to me and told me that I was dragging my boyfriend down and was going to ruin his career if I didn’t do something drastic. I realized he was right. I staged a whole fake bedroom scene with other men so he’d break up with me. But my boyfriend ended up getting into a fight with one of them, and he sustained a career-ending injury during the fight. I couldn’t handle what I had done to him. I immediately dropped out of school and was in a bad place for nearly two years until the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I haven’t touched any drugs since.”
Jade has tears in her eyes. She hugs me. “Mom, you can’t blame yourself for what happened. Your heart was in the right place.”
Tears slowly trickle down my cheeks. “It’s my fault though. He lost everything because of me.”
“Whatever happened to him?”
“I have no idea. I never saw or spoke to him after he left for the hospital that day.”
“You didn’t look him up?”
I shake my head. “No, I can’t. For my own sanity, I can’t. It’s not easy knowing you negatively impacted someone’s life on a deep level. Someone who never showed you anything but love and adoration.”
“Maybe you should reach out to him. It might help you move past it.”
Before I can answer, our conversation comes to an end when we hear my front door open and then close. Collin shouts, “Honey, I’m home.”
I wipe my tears and let out a laugh. “I love that he’s already so comfortable with me.”
He walks into the room and smiles at Jade like she hung all the stars in the sky and then kisses my cheek. “Good morning.”
“Good morning to you.”
He sits down next to Jade and pulls her close. She leans into him as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. My heart practically bursts seeing her like this. I wasn’t confident it would ever happen for her.
He looks down at her. “Are you still mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you, but you can’t do everything for me this entire pregnancy.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just want my baby mama to be safe.”
She leans her head on his shoulder. “I know. Just keep the orgasms coming and we’re square. I hear they’re good for the baby.”
He laughs. “Deal. You two want me to take you out to breakfast?”
I have so much to do if I’m leaving for Italy this week. “I already ate. You two go.”
Jade nods. “Mom didn’t sleep at home last night. I caught her doing a walk of shame this morning.”
