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“Pretty sure he’s bi or pan. Whatever the case, so far, he’s all in. I thought he’d be freaking out by now, but it hasn’t happened.”
Part of me worried that there would be a delayed reaction.
Especially once he came out. If and when he wanted to come out. At some point, I wanted to go public with our relationship. But being gay in private versus public were two very different things.
People weren’t shy about commenting, and they could be fucking nasty. Van had never dealt with that before. Sure, he witnessed what the guys and I experienced, but it was different when it was aimed at you personally. I’d dealt with haters since I came out, and unfortunately, I probably always would.
Would Van decide I wasn’t worth the hassle? He could date a woman with no backlash, no scrutiny.
With me? It would never end.
Bibi placed a gentle hand over mine and squeezed. “Be patient with him and let him feel all the things he needs to.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. You know me, I’m all in, and that’s my only way. Sometimes, I forget not everyone is the same. And patience is not something I’m known for.”
“That’s not true. You’ve had feelings for Van for a long time, and look how that turned out.” She smiled at me.
“Yeah, but relationships are hard enough. And with the addition of public scrutiny?” I shook my head, wanting to rid myself of these anxieties and self-doubt. I hated feeling insecure. “Anyway, I don’t want to worry about that now. I don’t want to worry at all. I’m so goddamn happy, and fuck everything else.”
“There’s the Brodie I know! Now, let’s get that merch signed, and you can tell me all about your trip to NOLA. I want to heareverything.”
“Not everything. Guy’s gotta have some secrets.”
Bibi chuckled. “Now I know you’re in love.”
“Who said anything about that?”
I knew it; of course I did. But I wasn’t ready to say the word until I’d said it to Van.
“I know you, and I know love when I see it. For fuck’s sake, Dee, I see everything. I haven’t been ordering condoms for you for almost a year. I mean, I started to think maybe you were buying them from some secret supplier. Then I realized no randos were walking out of here in the morning either. You’ve been pining hard for that man for a long time. What else could it be but love?”
My face flushed, and it didn’t escape her notice.
“And right there, you’re blushing. You, Mr. Rockstar. What the actual fuck?”
“Okay, all right. Man, what you know about my life is frightening, but yes, I do feel for him that way. But I need to take it slow. I don’t want to say too much and freak him out.”
“Trust your instincts. You’ll know when the time is right.”
“Thanks, oh wise one.”
Bibi grabbed another donut and stuffed it in my mouth. “You got that right.”
CHAPTER31
VAN
Icame back to a clean condo, but I’d never felt less at home.
And even though I’d only been away from Brodie for a few days, it felt so much longer.
Like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get my fix of him soon.
It was crazy how I went from feeling Brodie’s presence in my life one day to needing him like the air I breathed in another.
One more day.
In the meantime, I had to get organized for our trip to Rhode Island.
