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Judging by their expressions—or what I could see beyond the makeup—Holls and Ronin were as shocked as I was.
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I asked. “You know we always have your back. Rae is your family; he’s like our family, too.”
Faise stood up and paced. “I think I’m still in shock myself, you know? He was the perfect one. Graduated top of his class from business school, married the right woman, and had a high-profile job. Always the son my parents wanted me to emulate. Part of me still can’t believe what’s happened. He’s got a long road ahead of him. I know how hard it is.”
“I’m so fucking sorry. I was worried it was you.”
We’d all had our share of drugs in the beginning when fame was new, and the pressure to perform hit us hard.
Faise most of all when it came to coke. His severe mood swings were the first thing we noticed.
My addiction to sleeping pills and sedatives was well known. The vicious cycle of crazy tour schedules, running at two hundred percent all the time, and always being on catches up to you. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy and support to finally wean myself off the pills.
I walked over to Faise and pulled him in for a hug. Holls and Ronin joined us.
“What can we do?” Ronin asked as he pulled back. “Anything you need, Rae needs, tell us.”
Faise stepped away and shook his head. “I’m good. But after this gig, I need to head home to see to Rae’s condo and his finances. I need time off before we head to the studio again to record. A month at least.”
“Of course, whatever you need,” I replied. “Do you want one of us to go with you?”
“I’ll go,” Ronin offered.
“We can all go,” Holls added.
Faise shook his head. “Thanks, but I think it’s better if I go alone. Or maybe just one of you. Dee, you know I love you, but if the media finds out—”
I nodded. “I get it.”
In the past few years, I’d been subjected to greater press scrutiny than the rest of the guys. I didn’t court it, but it was what it was.
The impact that had on my relationships, any kind of relationship, was starting to be seen and felt. How that would play out with Van had yet to be seen.
Faise turned to Ronin. “Could you come with me? You’re heading to Cali anyway to see your sister.”
“Of course,” Ronin replied and pulled Faise in for another hug.
“Okay, that’s enough emo bullshit.” Faise pulled back and wiped his eyes. “Fuck, I probably ruined my makeup.”
“It’s Halloween, no one will notice.”
“Thank fuck for that.”
CHAPTER17
VAN
It was two hours until showtime, and nerves were running high.
The power shut down several times. Usually, only for a minute or two, and then we were good to go again.
I got on the phone with building management to rail them out about the issue, but there was not much they could do at this point.
We’d roll the dice and see what happened.
Some of our equipment was missing or misplaced, which had Ace in a state of near meltdown.
And I was inundated with more press requests. Many of whom were about to arrive shortly.
