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He sighed, looking ashamed.
"The way I used to fight, I had no control. They made me crazy—a fighting machine filled with bitterness and anger."
"That's not who you are," I said. "I know who you are. You may have lost control today but you were fighting for us, for survival."
Nodding, he absorbed my words and I could see him processing them.
"You protected us, Kit," I reached up and kissed his neck.
When I looked back at his face, his eyes were shut. As if he were savouring the touch and taking deep peace from it.
"You make me wanna be a good person, Eves. I wanna be good for you."
"Are you serious?" I scoffed, not believing his words.
'Do you honestly believe you're bad?"
"I've got a lot of improving to do, let's just say that."
"Listen to me," I made him look at me.
"They made you feel like you weren't good enough, pushed you to be the best. Do you realise what you're capable of? You've taken on an undercover company, you're leading those men. I saw the way everyone looked at you at the ball. Especially the guys that work with you. They look up to you and you're the best example you can be. You do my dad proud. He would be proud."
It was hard seeing Kit like this. Earlier he'd been a fierce warrior and now he sat unsure of himself. It made me love him all the more. To see this side of him made him real. It meant he truly cared.
"You've protected us, and you've kept me alive, what else do you want from yourself?"
"I keep upsetting you, doing stupid things and missing things right in front of my face. I went to Maddie, I did it to protect you so that I wouldn't upset you, I ended up doing that anyway. I should have known she was up to something."
"She definitely had alternative motives…"
I thought about it longer as silence lingered.
"I know why you went to Maddie, although it hurts, I get it."
I took a deep breath, feeling wisdom from a quote I'd read from a Nicholas Sparks novel.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Kit. Even people we love."
Lifting his hand, he brushed a section of my hair out of my face and kissed me.
"Be real with me, Kit. If there's even the slightest smidge of doubt in your mind about us, tell me."
He shook his head as if he couldn't believe what I was saying.
"You have no idea how much I love you."
My face lifted, allowing me to smile shyly, feeling the familiar sensation in my stomach when he made me feel like that.
"I love you more."
I wantedto believe everything would be okay. I honestly did. This was my fourth scan before my twenty-week scan and it terrified me. It terrified me because of the reasoning behind each of those scans. It terrified me that if I couldn't protect my baby inside of me, what hope did I have once they were born?
The difference was that now, whilst my baby grew inside of me, I had to stay alive. I had to. Once my baby was born, I'd be able to give my life to protect theirs. I could fight till the death to protect them. Right now, I couldn't do that.
As I sat there, my mind fogging and fighting against me, Kit placed his hand on my leg and I looked up to see Lilly as she entered the waiting room. Thankfully, the room was empty because she was crying, then she rushed towards me and wrapped her arms around me. Shortly before leaving for the hospital I'd rang her. It was delayed and I had to apologise profoundly. I was just such a mess after what had happened that I couldn't bring myself to call her the night before. Instead, I slept peacefully in Kit's arms. The only place on earth I could ever find peace.
Neither of us could speak, we just cried and I knew that she got me.
