Page 152 of Toxic Love


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EPILOGUE

TEMPEST

Two months later:

My heart is racingas I stand and reach across the desk to shake Dean Keller’s hand.

“Thank you so much for seeing me today, ma’am.”

She waves off the formality with a grin. “You know, being that I changed one of your diapers once, I think we can stick with Maureen. What do you think?”

I laugh as my face heats. “I think I’m really excited to start.”

“Good! Because we’rereallylooking forward to seeing you next semester, Tempest.”

Back when she was changing one of my diapers, Maureen Keller was one of New York City’s top hot-shot attorneys, and good friends with my dad. Now, after leaving private law, she’s the Dean of Admissions for Columbia Law School, where she and my dad were students together.

Where I’ll be following in his footsteps.

Finally.

Life becomes a bit less singleminded when you realize you’re not dying tomorrow. Well, okay, weallmight die tomorrow, as macabre of a thought that is. But when you’re literally ticking days off a calendar until your final breath, it’s just one dark tunnel vision.

And then one day, someone shows you a light at the end of that tunnel. Actually, in my case, you get told thatthere is no tunnel. And suddenly, the world opens up.

I’m doing things again I never thought I would. Like I’ve taken up running for reasons I’m not sure I could even explain, because I actually used to hate running.

I’ve also started learning to cook, to…mixedresults, even if Dante puts on an Oscar-worthy performance at whatever I put in front of him, edible or otherwise.

Either way, I’m putting on weight again, which feels fuckinggreat.

But another thing I’m doing now that I actually have a future is going back to school.

When what happened to me happened, and when Nina died, I went into recluse mode. I finished high school remotely, and then went on to do most of my undergrad from the comfort of my bedroom behind a laptop screen. My brothers pushed hard for me to apply to the law program at Columbia, which I sort of begrudgingly did but then tossed aside when my diagnosis came in.

Alistair sent it in for me, and then pulled some strings to get me on a sort of “deferred acceptance” list. I spent months feelingguilty that there was probably some other budding young lawyer out there not getting a chance because a dead girl was taking up their spot.

But now, I’m finally taking that shot myself, starting next semester.

After leaving Dean Keller’s office on the Columbia campus, I shoot downtown for my appointment with Dr. Han. But first, I make a pit-stop into Magnolia Bakery for a red velvet cupcake, which I know he loves.

Dr. Han washorrifiedwhen he found out my acidosis was actually arsenic poisoning. Apparently, the man even drafted a letter to the New York Medical Board to ask that his license be revoked for missing it. Mercifully, his wife stopped him before he could jump on the grenade like that.

The misdiagnosis isnothis fault. I even threatened Alistair with violence if he didn’t back off from pushing me for a malpractice lawsuit. I mean the symptoms between what they thought I had and what was actually going on are identical, and who thehellwould think that they’re being poisoned with freakingarsenicoutside of 1900’s London? It’d be like getting diagnosed with “acute stabbing ailment from Jack the Ripper”.

So, the cupcakes every time I go in for a post-transplant checkup are my way of telling him we’re good.

I still have nightmares from time to time. I still occasionally find myself slipping into the dark places. And I’ve had some issues with trusting new people recently, after the whole Pam/Jacqueline ordeal. I mean the woman was never my best friend, but she spent almost ayearsmiling into my face as she watched me drink poison.

The night of that ill-fated dinner party, when Dante, Charles, and both of my brothers went to the hospital after Jacqueline had given all the wine glasses a rinse of poison, she even covered her tracks by giving herself a small dose and claiming to have drunk some of the wine, too. The message on the cork she scrawled during the chaos when everyone but Maeve and I were falling sick.

So, yeah, that can throw you off when it comes to opening up to new people. But therapy is awesome, and Alessia, my therapist, is fantastic.

The important thing to remember is, no one is ever “fine”.No onehas it all together without a single crack, or a darkness lurking in their shadows, or a fear dogging their step.

The important thing is, you wake up each day and you make the most of it. And if you find someone who makes you stronger, you hang on to them tight.

And that someone is my next and final stop after my late check-in with Dr. Han.

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