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We were quiet for a while after the heaviness of the revelation, and I felt my heart grow heavy with sadness for what Tuck had to endure. It was easy to understand now why he would want to leave Aveline and join the Army. He was escaping. We lay there together, feeling more connected than ever, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had ever been this close to anyone else.
It took a few minutes before I was feeling brave enough to accept whatever answer he was going to give me to the question I was ready to ask. I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.
“Tuck?”
“Yeah?” he replied.
“I probably should have asked you this sooner, but have you ever done that before?”
“Was it that bad?” he asked. “Because we still have that other condom, I could try again.”
I sat up quickly, covering my body with the extra blanket but exposing him in the process. “Not at all. That’s not what I meant. I was just…” My voice trailed off, trying to think of the right word. “I was just curious.”
“Well,” he replied, covering up with a little corner of the blanket, “this was my first time too.” Then he added quickly, “But don’t you dare tell Beau because he’d have a good laugh at my expense if he found out. ”
I nodded, more happy than I’d ever been in my whole life to hear that it had also been Tuck’s first time. It seemed so perfect that the two of us were able to share this moment with each other, but I had to admit, I was shocked. Tuck did not look like the kind of guy who would still be a virgin at eighteen.
The shock must have been written all over my face because Tuck laughed. “Why do you look so surprised?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just didn’t expect you to be a virgin. I thought every guy just tried to get it done as fast as possible. What were you waiting for?”
He was quiet for a moment. He gathered my hand and brought my fingers to his lips, kissing them softly. “I guess I was waiting for you, Lettie.”
FORTY-FOUR
TUCK
“Come on,we have to go do something,” I said as soon as the idea came into my head. I jumped out of bed and we got dressed quickly. I grabbed Lettie’s hand, heading down the stairs, and when we got into the dining room, I took her to Lover’s Lane. I grabbed a knife from one of the place settings on the table.
“Really?” Lettie squealed.
“I think tonight deserves to stay on the wall for an eternity, don’t you?”
I wanted to see our names together. I wanted everyone to know that, no matter what happened, there’d been a time when the two of us fit together in a way that I truly believed no one else had. I wanted this summer memorialized in more than just my memories.
“Yes! Can we put ours right under Anne and Gilbert?” She closed her hands together under her chin as I nodded and began to scrape the wood in the form of an L. I finished the rest of her name and carved a plus sign in the middle. Then I held the knife for her to take.
“You want to?” I asked her.
She took the knife from my hands and put it to the wall, writing a T. When she finished, we both stepped back, my arms around her shoulders and her body tucked close to mine.
Lettie + Tuck.
“It’s official now,” she said, leaning her head to my chest and looking back at me.
“Now and forever,” I replied, kissing her forehead.
FORTY-FIVE
TUCK
The restof the summer was a blur of laughter, fun, and exploring every inch of each other both physically and emotionally. I told Lettie a little bit more about my family and was able to explain why I was embarrassed for her to see where I came from. And when she asked me why I had to leave and join the Army, I explained that it was so I didn’t have to stay in the rut that my father had us in. I wanted a better life. I wanted to be someone. As much as I’d been looking forward to going and getting out of Aveline, I now felt my chest constrict at the thought of it.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” she said solemnly one afternoon after her shift at the pet clinic. She had showered in the bathroom at Green Gables, and her hair was still wet.
“Me too,” I said, and I meant it. I didn’t want to leave her. I had to. “I wish I had known before I signed up that I would meet you. It would have changed everything.”
“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” She had her legs crossed on the bed, and I loved the way her skin was slightly tanned and pink on the bridge of her nose.
