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Twisting my head, I had no decent lie to tell her. When I spoke, I kept my words even and without emotion. “Crystal, for over seven years I’ve been working with the Sanchez cartel out of Miami. My job was to protect not only the organization but the head of the family. In doing so, I’ve either witnessed or as required by my standing, carried out the elimination of certain individuals who were considered threats.” I allowed the words to hang, waiting for her immediate disgust. When she didn’t flinch, I allowed repugnance to wash over me.
“Cartel. As in mob boss?” There was no quaver in her voice, no accusatory tone. Just a question. “Similar to the Desperados.”
“Yes, but with much more power and influence. Diego Sanchez is a true monster, but everything I’ve done in order to maintain my position has been equally destructive. I am his assassin, or I should say one of them. There is no way to sugarcoat my actions, no method of redemption. I knew what I was doing, and I chose to stay entrenched in his organization. And the reason I allowed myself to fall straight into hell doesn’t matter any longer.” The room was quiet. Even Zorro was no longer snoring.
Crystal eased into a sitting position, curling her legs underneath. “The reason does matter. Do you think you’ve been followed? Is there some connection to these assholes in Charleston?”
“I’m not certain what to think, but between the actions of the Desperados, the fact Pappy seems to know more than he’s telling anyone, and now some guy you dated broke into your house, there’s a lot of bullshit going on that I will get to the bottom of.”
“Why did you leave Miami? My guess is you had the finest things money could buy, what all dreams are made of.”
Dreams. I hadn’t allowed myself to dream in years. Why bother? This time my exhale was laced with remorse. “Because my acceptance of a particular direct command would have eliminated an innocent woman and child. That is something I refuse to do. I don’t care the circumstances. I do have some honor left.” Right. Honor? Who was I kidding? I turned my head ever so slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. I wanted to tell her everything, the very truth behind the reason I joined, but at this point, I wasn’t certain it mattered.
“Wow.” Her breath skipped, and she’d pressed two fingers across her lips, but her eyes were unblinking. “What is your name, your real name?”
The request was simple, but she had no understanding of how difficult the answer would be. “My name is Erik Chenault or at least that was the name I was born with.”
“Is Blade for the scar or for your method of killing?”
I was almost shocked at her calm demeanor. I inadvertently touched the side of my face, trying not to remember the agony surrounding the incident. My entire face could have been a roadmap. “Method of killing.” The term had been given in honor by Diego himself, others in the organization understanding the meaning given I’d savedEl Hefe’s life. Saying it now left bile in my throat.
“Hmmm… And I have no doubt you’re good at what you do.” She kept the stare before turning her attention toward Zorro, making cooing noises.
“I am leaving that life, Crystal, which now places both our lives in danger. Diego will hunt me and eventually, he will find his prey. My confession and the fact I left the lifestyle don’t take away what I’ve done. There is no forgiveness, no prayers.” I thought about Sandy’s comments before she walked away from my car. I could only hope she was still alive.
“And you’ll return to Erik. Maybe Erik the Slayer this time?” Her laughter was completely inappropriate. Zorro left my side, climbing beside her.
I hadn’t even thought about using my given name ever again and I shouldn’t if I wanted to keep breathing. Just another lie to add to the rest. “I don’t know who Erik is any longer.” I used to be a good kid. I made straight A’s and had a damn good life waiting for me after finishing college. Then all hell had broken loose.
Crystal breathed out and shook her head. “Of course you don’t, but the man I know isn’t a killer. He’s kind and caring.”
“No, you don’t understand. I amnota good person.”
“Fine, then just stop. If this is all an act, I don’t need your protection.” Her laugh was bitter.
“You should be afraid of me.” A portion of me wanted to tell her why, the entire damning story. Maybe to give my conscience peace.
“I said. Just. Stop!” She held out her hand in a stopping motion as she rubbed Zorro’s head with the other. “Just cut the crap, Blade or Erik or pick a name of the day. Here’s the irony. See, I ran away from a man similar in nature. He was the boss of a huge syndicate, although I didn’t know it when I first met him. Jericho or what his people called him, Deathwish was kind and giving at first, showering me with presents. Oh, my God. For a country bumpkin girl who moved to the bright lights and big city seeking fame and fortune, only to find minimum wage jobs, he was a Godsend at first. I craved the attention, had never really experienced anything like the level of power and authority covering him like an aura from the very heavens above. I fell into his web so easily. That’s how ridiculously naïve I was.” She paused as she climbed off the bed, inching closer, a wry smile on her face.
I was frozen, unable to move or think clearly. This couldn’t be happening.
“As with all good fairytales, the wicked witch rides up with her broom, stealing away happiness. You see, after Jericho knew he had me, he became abusive, treating me like his property.” Her laugh was bitter. “And yes, I thought I was in love with him. I kept trying to figure out a way to get through to him, to find some goodness. Shame on me. The man took away everything about the woman I’d become, breaking me down until I was almost nothing. I was required to follow his rules, including looking the other way at all times. Yeah, I know about cold-blooded killing.”
“Crystal. I’m so sorry. Men can be very convincing.” What had I done? How had this happened? Fuck me and all the bullshit that traveled with me, a noose that would eventually drag me into a cesspool of vermin. Karma was kicking me in the ass, but damn it, not at the expense of this amazing woman.
“Well, that’s what he said after every whipping. I laugh because I like a dominant man, one who will keep me in line. You figured that out minute one. I want to submit. I crave it so badly that when you offered every fantasy I ever had, I fell smack into a brand spanking new web. Is that sick or what?”
“That’s not sick. He’s the freak. Not you. Domination has nothing to do with violence or abuse. A woman submitting is a true gift of joy, love, and trust. Honor. You gave me the most incredible gift I’ve ever been given.” Tears formed in my eyes, burning. I didn’t deserve her.
Crystal dragged her tongue across the seam of her mouth. “You’re so right. Amazing how you can say that…Blade.”
I reached out, trying to take her hand, my mind rushing to method of crushing the fucking pig like a bug. I wanted him dead, beaten until… Jesus. I was no better.
She purposely stayed out of my reach. “Anyway, after almost two years, I couldn’t handle his particular brand of bullshit any longer. I promised the terrified little girl inside that I’d never find myself in that kind of ridiculous, horrible situation again, convincing her that I had to get out or die. So, I ran. I became someone else, but I will always be forced to look over my shoulders for fear that he’s found me. You speak of monsters. The man I was forced to endure was pure evil.” She bent down until her face was only inches away from mine. “And I will never. Do. That. Again.”
Hearing her story, grasping the understanding, I was shattered. Stars floated in front of my eyes as I attempted to rationalize how we’d managed to find each other, as if karma was playing a damning game.
Crystal was my obsession, a woman who could break the chains nearly suffocating me to death. But she would have no part of me, and just because of her own convictions. I couldn’t destroy her new life, the steps she’d taken to become whole again.
