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“We will.” She ran her hand through my hair.
“Ok, what if—”
My mind wandered when my wolf made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to roll my eyes and lash out internally, but I needed to take his intuition seriously. I would rather be safe than sorry. I kissed her other foot, stood up, and leaned over Katarina to give her a kiss.
“I’m going to go for a run, my wolf is restless.” I kissed her forehead before I rubbed our noses together.
“Are you ok?” She looked at me worried.
“Yeah, he’s just got some nervous energy we need to run away.”
“I’ll go with you,” Aeon said, getting up when I shook my head, pushing him back down.
“No, you need to help her with this spell, so we can get the hell out of here.” I kissed his forehead before I glanced at Zev nodding. I left the library to go to the kitchen wondering if I could satiate my wolf with some food, then go back to Katarina.
My wolf was not appeased by food, still nagging at me when I walked outside. The bitter cold made me shiver. It had been snowing almost two days straight. A foot and half of snow was on the ground, making running feel like an even more daunting task to accomplish. I took off my clothes so I could shift, hoping my wolf was just being a pain in my ass.
“Is your wolf restless too?” Zev stood next to me looking out at the storm.
“He’s driving me crazy, he’s extremely restless.” I threw my clothes close to the door, seeing Zev take his clothes off too.
“My wolf is the same, it’s like he can feel something I don’t. Every time we run, I don’t see anything, but it knows something is out there.” Zev looked around as he talked.
“Yeah, my wolf is the same way, putting me on edge more and more each day.”
“Come on, it will be better if the two of us are running and hopefully we can get a little reprieve from our wolves.” He also threw his clothes towards the door.
“Can I ask you something before we shift?” I asked him, before he took off on me.
Zev looked at me, debating if he wanted to subject himself to a question he knew might be a hard one.
“Lucien, if it’s about Katarina then—”
“No, it’s about Vivienne,” I said, not wanting to talk about Katarina with him because I knew all I would get were lies and excuses. As much as I loved Zev, he was a pain in our ass. Aeon and I had talked about finding a way to get him to crack, to let his baser instincts take over so he could make us complete. He was close to cracking; I was sure of it with the looks he gave and his need to provide for her.
“What about her?” he asked hesitantly.
“Did you love her? Is that why you’re so desperate to find answers about her?”
Zev scoffed before he looked away from me.
“I didn’t, but I think if I did, it would have made our relationship so much easier and we might not be in this situation,” he said, looking anywhere but at me. “She might have been happy with us instead of looking for love elsewhere and this happening.”
“You can’t blame yourself for not loving her,” I said, feeling even more sorry for him. “We were put into a situation—”
“You were ready to love her, no questions asked.” Zev cut me off. “I…She was my duty. All I had to do was mate with her and our pack would have ended its suffering.”
“Zev,” I said, wanting to comfort him, but I didn’t know how. “You can’t compare yourself to me, I’m naive and young. I didn’t know any better. I thought loving her was the best way I could contribute to the mating.”
“Dammit Lu, why do you have to be so good? The world doesn’t deserve you and we sure as hell don’t.” He clapped my shoulder.
“Nah, I’m just here to round you guys out, together we are the strongest…” I debated on whether to continue, then thought it wouldn’t hurt.
“I know what you’re going to say.” Zev took a deep breath. “I just can’t, Lucien. You are able to look past her name and our past with her family, but it’s not that easy for me.”
He looked heartbroken, torn like he couldn’t even decide what he wanted to do. I reached over to give him a hug.
“I think if you mated with her, she could heal a part of you, and you could stop blaming yourself.” I squeezed him even though he was tense in my embrace. I didn’t care. I would love the shit out of Zev if I had to. “I’ve never blamed you for being stuck here, and now that I have her in my life, I should be thanking you.”
