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I can’t do this.
“Thank you,” he whispers and presses his face to the side of my head.
Part of me wants him. Badly. The other part feels sick at his touch. “If we’re going to do this, we can’t dothis,” I say, pushing him away. “We do what we need to do in public to keep up appearances, but this–”
Drew frowns. “Why?”
“Because…” Because the truth is, if we pretend in public and in private, I’ll fall even more in love with him. And it will all have been a lie. “Because you don’t deserve it.”
Drew laughs despite himself, then runs his hand over his mouth. I hear the light bristles of his facial hair against his skin. “Okay. Um. Fair.”
I nod. “Yes. More than.”
He nods harder. “Yes. More than.”
God, this is just going to be a fucking echo chamber if I keep talking. I go to the bathroom, but before I can close the door, Drew calls after me. “Dana?”
“What?” I can’t hide the rigid frustration in my voice.
But when his blue eyes meet mine…I can’t stay mad. “Thank you. Seriously. You’re the best.”
I don’t know what to say. So, I don’t say anything and shut the bathroom door.
10
DREW
I knewit would be hard to feel in the Christmas spirit in Maldives. However, I don’t even feel in a wedding spirit this Christmas Eve. My suit feels itchy. I can’t help but feel like a child sitting through a parent teacher conference while the wedding processional begins.
I’m sitting next to Victoria Neville, a literal supermodel, whose face I saw on billboards for years. When I met her at a Solace family barbecue, I realized thatyessome people are just that flawless in person. Dana used to tease me for the way I looked at her, but Victoria was just a convenient excuse not to look at Dana the way I really felt about her.
Victoria’s niece, Tana, sits in her lap. Grant and Harley’s daughter is a little young yet to be included in a wedding to do.
“Tissue?” Victoria asks, holding out a box toward me. Tana reaches her chubby hand out after the box.
I take one just to be polite. I can tell Victoria needs them. She started crying the second the processional started. Willow and one of Axel’s college mates were the first to enter, followed by Amy and Hunter, then Grant and Harley. Tana called out after them, waving her hands in the air excitedly. That’s what really brought on the waterworks.
I, on the other hand, have been staring straight ahead, my eyes idling on Axel’s folded hands. I watch his thumbs circle each other, worrying. It’s funny how everyone gets cold feet before a wedding. No matter how sure we are made to feel, humans don’t trust each other in the end, do they?
That’s grim. I’m feeling a bit…down, I guess.
Yesterday went from the best day of my life to one of the worst. All it took was one dinner and an idiotic lie to make Dana Solace absolutely disgusted with me. She even put a line of pillows between us in bed so we couldn’t accidentally touch in the night.
Longest night of my fucking life. Especially when I’d been looking forward to waking up with her in my arms.
Victoria shakes my shoulder. “Drew. Up.”
I come back to reality and realize the music has shifted and everyone is starting to stand for the bride. Damn, I missed Stella’s big moment as the flower girl. I’m never going to forgive myself for that.
I get to my feet and straighten out my jacket. I’m wearing the lightest fabric possible, yet the Maldivian twilight is still making me sweat bullets.
“Oh, look at them,” Victoria whispers. I can just hear more tears coming on.
I dare myself to look back at the end of the boardwalk. And I’m immediately grateful to have a tissue in my hand.
Yes, Gillian looks beautiful, that’s a given. Every bride looks beautiful on their wedding day, that’s nothing special.
It’s Dana who captures my attention. All of the bridesmaids are dressed in a vibrant yellow, but Dana stands out in fiery orange. The dress dips down to the center of her chest, giving just a glimpse of her cleavage, and the skirt splits high up on her thigh.
