AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Let me introduce to you an engine that is not just carbon neutral, not just carbon zero, butcarbon negative. I introduce to you the world’s first truly green vehicle engine,” I explain before tapping on my computer to pull up the schematics. “The first engine to run fully and completely on carbon dioxide.”
Reese leans back in his seat and smiles. “Well, I’ll be damned. I’d say that’s worth waiting for.”
I smile. “That’s an understatement.”
My presentation is a success. Everyone is humming with excitement by the end, fielding questions, wondering about the timeline. By no means is this engine going to come together quickly. But if I can swing it…I’ll change the face of automotive technology. We can actually do something good for the environment rather than just trying to offset the harm we’ve already done.
If only my mother could see me now. She’d be so proud of me.
Although, I often worry that she might not be as proud as I’d hope.
Don’t get me wrong, my mom was the most loving creature on the face of the earth. She put up with so much shit she didn’t deserve and didn’t even get a full life before the cancer took her.
After the presentation, I head out to Rietta’s. I should be celebrating my accomplishment, but I’m still thinking about my mom. And one of our final conversations.
Toward the end, she was in hospice. It wasn’t an “If” she’d go but a “when”. All I cared about was that she was comfortable and attended to. But it was a lot for me to handle. I was so young. At least I felt so much younger than I am now.
I wasn’t the best type of guy when I was in my twenties. What guy is? I could have been better to her.
But anyway, we were watching an episode ofFull Housewhich was her favorite. I always got the sense she wished she’d had gotten a chance to have more children or that we had more family nearby. Instead, though, it was just me and her.
In the middle of the episode, she turned to me, grabbed my hand with the little bit of strength she had left and smiled. Her smiles had started to look…maniacal. Her face had gotten so gaunt with the illness, hair looking like straw, eyes losing their luster. She didn’t look like my mom anymore. However, in moments, she was there as her full, healthy self. This was one of them. “I want that for you, Drew.”
“What?” I asked with a half-smile, wondering if she was starting to lose it.
“A family. A big one. Do you want that, baby?”
At the time, I was one of those young guys who saw children screaming in public and rolled my eyes. As I’ve gotten older, that feeling has changed. Especially being close to the Solaces. I’ve watched Stella grow up and witnessed Harley become a mother. I understand now that children and family are two of the most precious things.
Especially since I don’t have one of my own to speak of.
“Yeah, Mom,” I answered. I did everything I could to make her happy. “One day.”
She squeezed my hand. “Good. You’ll make a good husband. A good father. I know you will.”
I think of that conversation often. Because, though I want to be a husband and a father now, I’m not sure Iwouldbe good at it. I want to be worthy and deserving of a woman’s love, a love so powerful she’s willing to join our bodies together to create something so…unbelievably precious.
Is it crazy that I see that with Dana sometimes? I’ve had feelings for her for two years now. It started before I stopped going to counseling. In fact, it’s partly why I stopped. I couldn’t focus anymore on my own grief. Every session was just her dazzling smile, plaintive expression, the way her curls bobbled as she took notes.
I’ve watched her watch three of her sisters fall in love and build lives with other people. Perhaps Dana might be ready to see me that way?
I’ve been driving for a while now on autopilot. I blink and scan my surroundings as I come to a stoplight. That could have been bad.
My phone buzzes in its holder on the dashboard. I grab it and quickly check the text that’s just come in, hoping I can beat the light.
It’s from Kira.
You’re welcome.
What?
I scroll up to see if there’s another text, but there isn’t. That’s all there is. All she wrote.You’re welcome.
Maybe she didn’t mean to text me. Regardless, I tap off a message fast.
For what?
I stare at the phone, waiting for a reply.
