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She laughs into my chest.
That’s when it hits me. The potential for what might happen. Mightalready behappening. If Dana’s suspicions are correct (and I’ve never doubted Dana, never for a second), then we’re going to have a baby. Warmth pools into my belly. I might be holding both Dana and our baby in my arms right now. We might already be linked in the most intimate way two people can be. Right there inside her.
My heart starts to hiccup with anticipation. Dana always told me that anxiety and excitement are the same somatic experience. She never told me I might experience both at the same time.
One step at a time, Drew.
I kiss the side of Dana’s head. “We’ll be okay. No matter what.”
* * *
I pace back and forth,trying to ignore the anatomical diagram of a pregnant woman on the wall.
“Drew, sit down,” Dana admonishes.
“Sorry,” I say and then sit back in my assigned chair. The second I’m down, my legs feel jittery again. I stretch them out and try to take square breaths.
“You’d think you’re the one who might be pregnant, the way you’re acting,” Dana says with a soft smile.
I try to laugh, but it comes out more like a wheeze. “I’d almost rather it be that way. Then I wouldn’t be responsible for putting you in a situation that–”
“Drew, you didn’t put me in any sort of situation,” she interrupts. “Seriously.”
Her gaze is firm.
“You know I don’t do well with doctors,” I say with a sigh. Something I’ve expressed to her is how little I go to the doctor. After everything with my mom, I can’t stand to be anywhere that’s even vaguely hospital-y.
She smiles. “You’re doing great.”
Fuck.She’s comforting me. What kind of man am I? We’re about to get news that might change the course of our lives, will definitely affect her body more than mine, and I’m the one panicking? Jesus. Dana, though, doesn’t look offended at my anxiety. All the fear that was apparent on her face the second I walked into my office has disappeared. “You seem…calm,” I say.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No, I’m jealous.”
Dana tucks her hands under her thighs and shakes her hair out of her face. I hope our child has her blonde locks. Just as beautiful as her.
“Is it silly to say that having you here with me makes it feel less scary?”
Her saying that makes it feel less scary for me too. “Not at all.”
Hard to believe only a month ago there was no us. Not like this. Now we’re sitting and waiting for her doctor to return with results that will tell us if she’s pregnant or not. It’s amazing how quickly life can change. And for the better.
I watched my mom deteriorate from cancer before my eyes. That felt fast. Good things, I’ve believed, don’t happen fast.
This good thing, though…seems to be happening faster than I can keep up with.
There’s a knock at the door. I immediately spring out of my chair as Dana says, “Come in.”
The doctor, I don’t remember her name, smiles brightly and wafts in. I pace over to the corner. Like I’m in the way or something.God, what do I do with my hands?
“Well, I’m not going to keep you on edge. Your test results came back positive.”
I run my hands through my hair.Holy shit.
“Really?” Dana asks. I can hear the hope in her voice.
“Yes. You’re pregnant.”
