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“Oh, Dana, of course I’m happy. I’m so proud of you. And you–” Dad reaches out a hand to Drew. “Come here.”
Another hug, another tangle of limbs. Of love. The two most important men in my life, holding me with care and gentleness.
“I know you two are going to be great at this,” Dad whispers.
Though I’m filled with an impossible amount of joy, I can feel the underbelly of it too. Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything is picture perfect. A boyfriend. A baby. A loving family.
I can’t help but wonder when my streak of luck will run out.
20
DREW
“Thanks for coming up hereto meet with me.”
“Of course, Kent. I’m happy to.” Happy isn’t necessarily the word I’d use to describe it. I’m terrified to be sitting across from Kent Solace. I’ve never been terrified of the man before. He’s always been affable and kind, inviting me into the fold of his family, even when I was just a friend.
Now, I’m much more than that. And that transition is something we have to negotiate.
After we announced the pregnancy to Dana’s family, Kent pulled me aside and said he wanted to talk with me, “Man to man,” which is a phrase I never thought I’d hear from his mouth given that he’s a father for five girls and has always struck me as someone who doesn’t lean into the “manliness” of things.
However, I wasn’t about to say no to the grandfather of my child.
So here we are now, another day, another coffee shop. This one in Burbank, a quintessential haunt of Dana and mine and the whole Solace family.
“Coffee cake?” Kent asks, sliding a small dish of the pastry toward me.
They have the best coffee cake in the LA area, I’m convinced. Too bad I’m not hungry right now. Staring at Kent, not knowing what comes next, has left a lump in my stomach that feels like dense obsidian.
Again, though, I’m not about to say no to him. I take a dainty piece, thanking him, and gulp it down. I don’t even taste it, that’s how nervous I am.
Kent folds his hands on the table and screws his forehead together. “How’s Dana doing with everything?”
“With…the pregnancy?” I ask. It’s a word that still feels weird in my mouth, knowing that it’s not a concept but a reality of my life.
Kent nods. “Yeah, you know, we’re open with each other, but I’m still her dad. I know the girls all keep things from me because we don’t have that bond of…” He hesitates. “You know, Gillian and Harley both had Dana to talk to during their pregnancies. Not that she had the physical experience, but she’s always been the maternal figure in our family since—” He stops again. “You get what I’m saying?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Dana doesn’t have a Dana to talk to. Sure, they all support each other, but she’s…” Kent takes a deep breath. “Life wasn’t fair to any of us, but sometimes I worry it was most unfair to her. The eldest always gets too much responsibility and then to pile everything that happened onto that too, well…”
I smile. I don’t want Kent to feel like he has to drag all the skeletons out of his closet. I know a lot about the pain of Aileen leaving them. He has no need to reopen the wounds for me to see.
“Dana is doing well. Nauseous. As to be expected. Otherwise, though, it seems like everything is pretty standard for nearly three months along.”
Kent smiles. “You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
“Vaguely. As best I can.”
“You’re trying to be involved?”
I nod. “Yes, I think that’s the least I can do.”
“I agree.” Kent takes a sip of his coffee. “I hope it doesn’t feel like I’ve brought you here to your doom. I just…Dana’s my first child. All my daughters have special spots in my heart, but the first is…” He stops. “You’ll understand soon enough.”
Kent isn’t usually so serious. Dana has explained to me that she feels like he’s always making up for the sadness they felt after Aileen left. Trying to be the fun, upbeat dad, always prepared with a quick joke or jab.
I don’t know how to interact with a serious Kent.
