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“I didn’t do anything, I just…” I trail off. She’s so little. And yet so real. Not mine, but in a way, she’s mine. My eyes start to swim with tears.Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
“She likes you, Kira.”
I look at Dana whose stress has completely dissipated now that Mia is quiet in my arms. I try to smile, but all that comes is tears. I scan the faces of my family. All of them on the edge of their seat watching me with this baby. They have no clue what awaits me. What awaits all of us.
I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I need them to know.
“I’m…” My breath hiccups. I look back into Mia’s wrinkled little face. She pulls her hands up, chubby fingers reaching for what she doesn’t even know about yet. “I’m going to have a baby.”
No one responds at first.
“What’d she say?” I hear Amy whisper.
“That she’s going to have a baby?” Harley says. “Or that she wants to have a baby? I don’t –”
“I said, ‘I’m going to have a baby’,” I say. Louder. Prouder this time. “As in I’m having a baby.”
Still, no one seems to understand me. I can’t blame them. To break news like this is unusual, especially for me. I’m the onethey can all account for, the one they all understand. I’ll always be the same no matter what.
Until now.
“Kira, what are you talking about?” Dad asks, leaning forward.
I look at my father. Daddy. The greatest man I know. The one who has taught me everything I know about love. The one who has given me all the tools to be the best mother I can be. I think. I hope. “I’m pregnant.”
“Sothat’swhy you’ve been acting weird!” Amy yelps.
“Amy –” Dana scolds her.
Self-consciousness rushes over me. I deliver Mia back into Dana’s arms. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to steal your spotlight, I –”
Drew and Dana both shake their heads, uttering some form of, “It’s okay, you didn’t.”
I wipe my face clear of the tears. “Yes, that’s why I’ve been acting weird.”
“I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets weird when they find out they’re pregnant,” Harley says.
I laugh. “Yeah, seems to run in the family.”
Gillian wraps her arm around me and leads me to the end of the bed. “Okay, wait. Sit down. Tell us everything.”
“Do I have to?” I wince.
“You just told us you’re pregnant,” Amy says. “So yeah, you do.”
I sit down carefully.I can do this. I train my eyes on my knees and take a deep breath.
I’m not used to the spotlight. In fact, I hate it. Especially now that the spotlight is actually somewhat shocking, maybe even bad in some people’s eyes.
“Amy, you were right. At the cabin, Orlie and I…we…”
“I –” Amy’s about to exclaim her rightness again, but Dana shushes her.
“Anyway, we weren’t careful. Because he told me he had a vasectomy. So, why would we need to be? But either he lied or –“ I’ve looked into the likelihood that his vasectomy didn’t actually take. The chances are slim to none. I have to believe in what protects me. I can’t be deluded into believing a slim to none chance. “I found out at the beginning of last month. Which is why I got weird. Right around my birthday.”
Thankfully, no one in my family interrupts. I can’t even look at my dad, though. His face is stoic. Not celebratory. No smile.
I’ve disappointed him. My heart breaks.
