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I can’t help myself from reaching out and grabbing his hand. He might have hurt me, but that doesn’t mean I want to see him hurting. Orlie is still buried deep in my heart.
When my skin touches his, Orlie’s eyes leap to mine gratefully. I look away. I can’t handle that just yet.
“Wasn’t mine,” he says softly, even though he doesn’t have to. It’s just the appropriate ending to his tale. “I left Diane, went crawling back to Dad, and…” A half-smile appears on his face. “Became the Orlie you know now.”
Oh, it hurts. Right in my heart. The Orlie he became now was born out of a hurt I can’t even imagine. Although, I guess the Kira he knows now has been born from the same type of thing. Still, though. He’s held onto this hardened exterior for a long time to protect himself.
“That’s why it’s taken him so long to hand over the company. He doesn’t want me to do anything stupid. But then again, he was the one who encouraged me to come here wearing gym clothes and crash your family dinner party so –”
I giggle. Trevor’s always been on my side. In more ways than I’ve ever known.
“And the vasectomy?” I prod delicately.
“Oh! Of course. Yes. I just… The whole Diane thing put me so on edge I didn’t look at another woman for two years. Didn’t want to get into another situation where I was being taken advantage of for my money. To be trapped into a pregnancy with someone. Mine or not. Then, I realized I had a simple enough way to keep that from happening.” He laughs nervously. “Should have gone to the follow-up, though, because now –”
I lower my eyes to the ground. “You think I’m trying to take advantage of you.”
Orlie carefully takes my hand in both of his. “Thought. It was a defense mechanism. You understand how confusing that must have been for me after believing that –”
“You understand how confusing it was for me that you told me you had a vasectomy and then I got pregnant?!” I interrupt, anger flaring in my veins. “How I believed youtrickedme? Do you know what that does to a woman?”
He winces. “I think I understand better than you might know. But I could never understand what it’s like from your side. And I’m so sorry.”
I am quiet.
“I will apologize as many times as you need me to. Because I will never stop being sorry for what I implied or for putting you in a position where you feel like I took advantage of your body. Oh, my god,” he turns away, looks like he might be sick. “I can’t believe you were made to think I would actually lie to you to –”
“Clearly, it was all just mistakes. We don’t have to dwell on it,” I say softly.
Orlie swallows thickly. “I wouldn’t blame you. For any choices you’ve made in the meantime. Or any choices you make in the future. Regarding…” He licks his lower lip. “Everything.”
“Orlie, I’m…” I take my free hand and run it down the ridge of my stomach, pulling the loose fabric back to confirm what he’s been wondering. “I’m keeping it.”
Orlie seals his lips together and his eyes tighten at the corners. He nods. I can’t tell if it’s disappointment or…excitement. “Okay.”
Okay? This man hasn’t spoken to me in months and just found out I’m keeping his baby and all he has to say is “okay”?
I’m done being nice. He’s shared his story, now I get to share mine.
26
ORLIE
Kira shiftsin her seat next to me. Her distance speaks volumes. I thought sharing would draw her closer to me. And maybe it has, but it’s clear that the distance I’ve chosen the past two months has done a great deal of harm. I should have expected that.
My eyes fall to her hands as they tenderly cradle her tiny bump. I would love to touch it, feel the place where we are growing together.
However, her tender touch is also protective. It’s her body after all. I don’t have a right to do anything about it.
At this point, I don’t even have a right to my very own child. At least not without legal counsel.
Seriously, Orlie? You’re already jumping to that conclusion?
It’s all I’ve known for the past decade. All I’ve been able to do is to stay steady and firm in myself. Be decisive, authoritarian. Brutal.
Not with Kira, though. She doesn’t deserve that. No one deserves that. But especially not her.
Mother of my child.
