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I kiss his hand and beam up at him. Yes, the baby is beautiful and amazing. But Orlie’s adoration is something special. It’s the thing that’s been drawing me closer to him for the past two months. Making it hard to stay away even though there’s a logic center in my brain saying, “Don’t move too fast, he might hurt you again.”

I know this has much less to do with logic and more to do with trying to keep myself from getting hurt.

“You want to know the gender?” Doctor White asks.

I bite my lower lip.

“It’s your call, Kira,” Orlie says, although his eyes dart away from mine.

“You want to know, don’t you?”

He hesitates. “It’s up to –”

“Orlie…it’s just as much your baby as it is mine. Do you want to know what we’re having?”

He looks at the doctor nervously. “Yes, please.”

“So polite. Alright. Give me a second to get a better angle.”

I’d refused to learn the gender at my five-month appointment. I’m assuming I’m having a girl and that will be that. After all, look at the make-up of my family. Also, though, it didn’t feel right to make the decision without Orlie.

I meant when I said the baby is as much his as mine. It’s not only the truth, but it’s the way my heart has grown to feel.

I was ready to do this all on my own. Yet, he’s made it clear I don’t have to.

And now that he’s here with me, I don’t want to do it alone. I want him here every step of the way.

“You’re having a boy.”

I nearly leap off the table in shock. “What?!”

Orlie laughs.

“Are you sure?”

“Do you want me to show you?” Doctor White says. “Because there’s a way I can show you just how sure I am.”

I can barely believe it. “All my sisters have girls.”

“Well, it was time for someone to break the mold, huh?” Orlie says.

I look up at him. “Are you happy?”

“Of course, Kira. No matter what, I would have been happy. But I know you’ll make a perfect boy mom,” he says, stroking my cheek.

I flush.

Will I? I’m so familiar with how girls work. And I’m not even in a full-fledged “I love you” relationship with my baby’s – my son’s father. Do I know a pin about how to take care of a boy?

“Baby looks great. Everything is within percentile to continue growing right on track.” Doctor White tilts her head to the side. “Let’s check back in at your next appointment to see if he’s working his way head down. Right now he’s presenting breech. But there’s plenty of time to get into position for birth.”

I wince at even the mention. There is, of course, the fear of the massive amounts of work and pain that will go into getting my baby earthside. However, more than that, I don’t want to rush through these last three months. I want to savor them. My little baby boy nestled inside me perfectly cared for and nurtured.

Orlie and I have three months to get our acts together before we have a party of three. I want to make sure we’re completely ready for our little one to be welcomed into a home of trust and love.

I’m almost there with him. I can feel it.

Now, I just need to decide to take the leap into loving Orlie.

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