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“Years,” Lee repeated blankly, and did that mean—back when they’d first met and Lee had bumbled through his first attempt at flirting with a guy, did that mean that Alex actually might have been receptive if Lee had got it right? And did it matter?
“Yeah.” Alex sounded slightly more confident now, rolling his shoulders back as he held Lee’s eyes. “Just never acted on it.”
“You’ve been—you’re bi. And you're telling me only now.” Lee crossed his arms in front of his chest, and fuck, he felt naked wearing just his boxer briefs, especially when kissing Alex was something he might have imagined before, just once or twice when he’d been too tired to control the direction of his thoughts. Not like this, though. “I was so fucking open with you, yeah? And you couldn’t even be bothered to tell me that it’s okay for me to look because there’s an actualchance?”
“I’ve never toldanyone,” Alex protested. “It’s not exactly easy, okay?”
Lee huffed. “Trust me, I know it’s not.”
“Maybe you’re just braver than me.”
“Yeah, maybe I am.”
Alex pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, and Lee hated that his attention got stuck on that, if only for a moment. “Everyone has their own pace, right?”
“Right.” Lee shook his head, anger coating the edges of his vision. “And if yours is stuck on glacial, okay, fair enough. Doesn’t give you the right to just plant one on me.”
“You kissed me back.”
Lee had. Because how could he have resisted?
“I made a mistake.”
“A mistake.” Alex narrowed his eyes, voice tinted with disbelief. “Felt like you were pretty into it.”
Fuck you.
“It’s beenmonthssince I got laid. At this point, I’d snog a moderately handsome wall if it had decent oral hygiene.”
“Screw you,” Alex said, and he had the actual audacity to look a little hurt when he’d been the one who’d held back. All this time, while Lee had slowly unpacked his vulnerabilities, Alex had strung him along, pretending he was oh-so-accepting when in reality, he had no room to judge Lee because they weren’t all that different.
Lee retreated by another step and bumped into the bathroom door. “Get out.”
“Gladly,” Alex ground out.
“Good.”
“Good.”
They glared at each other for a few seconds that twisted through Lee’s blood like some kind of potent poison. Then Alex’s mouth flattened into a thin line and he turned, grabbing his stuff off the bed before he marched towards the door. Lee watched him—his perfect body and the way he didn’t spare Lee even a single glance as he cracked the door open, clearly not so affected by what had gone down that he forgot to make sure his little secret,theirlittle secret, didn’t accidentally run into an early-bird teammate. The coast must be clear because Alex left without another word and pulled the door shut with enough emphasis to register in the silent morning.
Only then did Lee exhale a long, shaky breath. Oh, fuck. He’d been right to protect himself. He deserved better than to be Alex’s default choice based on the simple virtue of being conveniently available, a way to scratch an itch before Alex went off and married whoever daddy dearest picked for him. Lee did deserve better.
So why did he feel like crap?
Alex madeit through breakfast without Jeff buying a clue that something was seriously off. Or, perhaps more accurately, Jeff noticed but gave Alex an easy out.
“Still bummed about the match?” he asked, and Alex shoved some tasteless eggs into his mouth and nodded. He carefully didn’t glance at Lee, a few tables over.
Half an hour later, they were herded onto the bus—tinted windows and air-conditioning to keep the heat at bay, and it reminded Alex of Lee’s spaceship comment, a few minutes before things had gone to hell. And fine, maybe Alex shouldn’t have grabbed Lee quite like that. But it wasn’t like Lee hadn’t been looking, and he certainly hadn’t been complaining either, what with how he’d wasted no time sticking his tongue down Alex’s throat.
Whatever, though.
Except, oh! How fuckingdarehe judge Alex for not disclosing his sexuality sooner? It was Alex’s choice whom he told, and when. Just because Lee had shared some private things didn’t mean Alex owed him—volunteering truth wasn’t a tit-for-tat business negotiation, for fuck’s sake.
Alex put his headphones on, closed his eyes, and willed himself to catch up on sleep. He dozed off at some point, mind lulled into a tranquil state of lethargy by the steady hum of wheels slapping the road, by the familiar buzz of conversations. Jeff woke him up when they arrived, and Alex trailed him out of the bus and into the familiar lobby of their team hotel, its modern wing bumping up against the older part reminiscent of a castle.
And … Christ. Alex was still sharing a room with Lee. Of course he was—he’d just forgotten, for a moment there. Any lingering cobwebs of sleep dissipated.
