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They dropped by the room to change into their trunks. The last thing that their impending conversation needed was for Lee to catch Alex staring at his bum, so Alex made sure to keep his eyes averted. It seemed like Lee was of a similar mind because he kept his back to Alex even after he was done changing and didn’t turn until Alex uttered a soft, “Let’s go?”
“Yeah.”
Back to one-syllable sentences, were they? Jesus, Alex never should have told Lee, or maybe he just shouldn’t have kissed him out of the blue. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, actions speaking louder than words and all that.
Quietly, they made their way down to the pool, blessedly deserted with all their teammates and most of the staff on the training pitch. The water glittered turquoise in the afternoon sun, a small breeze rippling the surface and distorting the mosaic tiles that lined the basin. White sun loungers and umbrellas were arranged around the space, rich lavender bushes scenting the air, and a neat stack of towels awaiting use. As soon as they dropped their phones and room keys by the side of the pool, a hotel employee showed up to ask whether they needed additional towels or any help with the umbrellas. They declined, and the man melted back into the garden.
It was a reminder that they were not alone. Sure, everyone here had signed non-disclosure agreements, but no harm in keeping their voices down.
Alex stripped off his T-shirt and left his sandals on a sun lounger before he sat down at the edge of the pool, cool water sloshing around his ankles. He waited for Lee to do the same, an arm’s length between them that Alex was keenly aware of. He squinted at the water, blinding sunlight making bright spots dance through his vision whenever he blinked.
Right, then.
“I’m sorry,” he started. “For, you know. Not telling you sooner. And for the way I went about … telling you. So to speak.”
Lee snorted but remained otherwise silent. When Alex turned his head, he found Lee watching him with a quizzical frown—searching now, earlier hostility gone. Alex swallowed.
“In my defence,” Alex added after a second, “it was my first time telling anyone. Between that and your porn-inspired attempt at flirting with me all those years ago, maybe we’re kind of even?”
A reluctant chuckle escaped Lee, and it was hard to tell under the tan, but his cheeks looked a little flushed. Might be the sun. “Fair point.”
Okay. This was starting to feel … better. Like the dust was settling.
Alex chanced a smile, just wide enough to flirt with an indentation of dimples. “I have my moments.”
“Do you, now.” Lee’s voice was dry, but it lacked the acidic bite that it had carried this morning. He tilted his head, sunlight sparking in his dark irises. “You really haven’t told anyone else?”
“No.” It came out rather harshly, so Alex shook his head and repeated, softer, “No. Just you.”
Expression turning thoughtful, Lee drew his bottom lip between his teeth. He released it when he caught Alex staring, and Alex glanced away, at the reflections of light on the pool’s surface.
“Sorry,” Alex mumbled.
“What for?” It was light, almost sweet. Lee didn’t leave Alex a chance to react, though. “I guess I’m honoured to be your first, then. But you may want to work on your reveal methods.”
“You mean I can’t go around sticking my tongue down a guy friend’s throat as a way of saying ‘hi, mate, so I also fancy blokes’?”
“Might get you punched in the face by someone less lenient than me.”
“Back to the drawing board it is.”
“Hashtag sad.” Lee’s grin lit up his eyes as he splashed Alex with a bit of water. Alex reacted by letting himself tip face first into the pool, holding his breath as the water closed over his head. He heard a muffled second splash, and when he resurfaced, Lee was floating next to him. They treaded water for a minute, watching each other. It felt different now—heavier, like standing on a 5-metre platform for the first time, trying to work up the courage to jump into a swimming pool that seemed tiny from this high up.
“What makes it so hard?” Lee asked eventually.
Ha.
Alex raised a meaningful brow. When Lee laughed, the heaviness evaporated, Alex’s pulse slowing to a normal rate for maybe the first time since that morning.
“What makes it so hard to tell people, I mean,” Lee clarified.
It was a fair question, yet not one that Alex found easy to answer. He shoved wet hair off his forehead and forced himself to hold Lee’s gaze because yeah, maybe he owed some honesty. “I’m used to fitting in, I guess. Like, I was never the odd one out, you know? I was the popular kid, the one everyone wanted on their team.”
“Tough being you.” Lee’s tone held a note of … not envy, no. Self-deprecation, maybe? It figured that being a teenage boy who had a weird mum and was essentially raising two younger sisters—well, it wouldn’t have put him on an instant track to popularity. ‘Football was just about the only thing that made me feel good about myself’, wasn’t that what he’d said?
“I know I had it easy, yeah?” Alex drifted over to the shallow end of the pool until he felt tiles under his feet. “What I’m trying to say is … maybe I got a bit dependent on being liked. Perhaps it’s how I balanced out” —he sent Lee a lopsided smile— “that my parents didn’t hug me enough when I was little. Which, just for the record, might be why it threw me when you didn’t like me, back then.”
“I did like you.” Lee’s voice was even. “Rather more than I was comfortable with, as we discussed.”
