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Yeah, I was never going to have a tough time getting hard after this.
Toby came around the corner in a T-shirt and boxers, smiling like an idiot. “There you are. I thought maybe you’d left again.”
Going into a rut had rocked me, left me shaken. I’d practically run from the house afterward, straight to one of my favorite hiking spots. Spent hours sweating in the woods, walking it off. I crashed on a friend’s couch instead of coming home. But I couldn’t stay away.
Then I’d walked in on…holy shit, something I didn’t ever expect to see. Will, of all people, ceding control. A sweet little omega taking command. It was shocking. And it was so incredibly hot.
No way in hell did I ever want her to tie me up, but there was something about the role reversal that made me want her even more. A woman who was strong as well as soft. I could admit to myself that she was starting to get under my skin.
So I probably did need to leave. I didn’t answer Toby, just took another drink.
He shook his head. “I don’t get it. You obviously like her. What’s the problem?”
How could he not understand?
“It’s a big step. We aren’t ready.”
Toby’s eyes widened. “When do you thinkwe’llbe ready, Luke?” He looked up as though he could see into the nest through the ceiling. “Edward would have wanted us to find our omega. You know that, right?”
“It’s only been a year.”
“You think another year will make a difference? What are you waiting for?”
For the pain to go away. Maybe it never would.
“What if I don’t agree that it’s her?”
“It’s her.” Toby put his hand on my shoulder. “I think, deep down, you know that. Give her a chance, at least. She can be in our lives without taking away from Edward’s memory.”
I looked past him toward the front door, and I was suddenly reliving that night. Listening to the cop standing in the doorway, telling us about the accident. Telling us Edward was gone. Feeling my world collapse, my heart ripped apart.
What if we did bond with Sylvie and then something happened to her? Just the thought made me break out in a cold sweat.
“Luke? Are you there?” Toby was shaking my shoulder, his eyes full of concern. “You went somewhere dark.”
“What if we lost her too?” The words came out quieter than a whisper, but Toby heard. He gripped my shoulder tighter and leaned his forehead to mine.
“We’d support each other. We’d be there for each other.” He pulled back and looked me in the eye. “But that’s fear talking. And just the fact that you’re so worried about her tells me you do care for her. You’re allowed to be happy, Luke. We can add Sylvie to the pack and be happy.”
Fear? It was sheer terror. But what if he was right? Was I giving up a chance to be happy, to heal? I wanted to be back in the nest with her so much it hurt.
The idea of fulfilling Edward’s wishes was a double-edged sword. Sylvie would always remind me of his loss. She’d be this person he should have met, but he’d died before he could. Another injustice of his death. And an irrational, angry part of me thought she would try to replace him, be that fifth packmate, make us forget him.
Yet even through my internal emotional storm, my heart ached for her like she was a missing piece of me. I couldn’t stand it.
“I’ve got to take some time away. I’m going up to the mountains for a few days.”
The pack had a cabin, isolated and peaceful. Maybe I’d find clarity there.
Toby nodded. My brother got me. He could read my struggles, feel them through our twin bond. It wasn’t as strong as a mate bond, but enough to sense the other person’s emotions. That bond was telling me that right now he was worried, but a warm attachment to Sylvie was overriding most of his concern for me.
If he had to, he would choose her over me. I was certain of it.
“Hey, maybe when her heat is over, you two could go up together, just the two of you. Get to know each other, decide if she’s a fit.”
Show her my favorite place, a rock outcropping with a sweeping vista of the forest valley and clear lake… It wasn’t a bad idea. I could imagine sitting there with my arm over her shoulder, watching the sun set. The image was vivid, like a vision of the future.
“Okay. I’ll ask her if she wants to come up with me to the cabin.”
