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We smiled at each other. It was like we were two goofy kids on a first date, awkward but excited.
He pulled me off the main trail and then we went single file, Luke showing me the way. I had to watch my footing as we scrambled along the narrow path, over rocks and around tree roots. In some places he gave me a hand from above, helping me get up over tricky sections where my legs weren’t long enough to make the step. Going back down would be a bit tough, but I just focused on moving forward. I could worry about that later.
At the top, I had to brace my hands on a large slab of rock and lever myself up, one knee and then the other until I was finally on level ground. I was a bit out of breath. Luke took my hand and helped me to stand, wrapping his arm around my waist as we both looked out over the lake. I soaked in the view as my lungs pulled in extra air, my breathing slowly coming back to normal.
From here we could see for miles. The lake and the surrounding forest, but also hills and mountains farther off, the tree line giving way to snowcapped peaks at the higher elevations. The sky was crystal clear, not a cloud to be seen. In the fall sunlight, the water sparkled.
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered.
“Beautiful.”
When I looked over at Luke, he was looking at me. He squeezed my waist before letting go and motioning to a worn, smooth section of the rock. It showed signs of being a favorite sitting spot, and I imagined that he and others came here often to rest and look out over the lake.
We sat side by side. He got out his pack, handing me a sandwich and refilling my water bottle from a canteen. For a while, the only sound was our eating and the rustle of leaves in the breeze.
“I can see why you like it here. It feels like you belong here.”
He nodded. “It’s the only place I can truly relax. How about you? How do you feel here?”
“Relaxed. Happy. It’s really wonderful.”I’d love to be able to come here with you and the pack.If this was part of a plan to win me over, it was working. But I still wasn’t sure how Luke felt about bringing me into the pack. I wasn’t sure how much I should say.
“Edward loved it here.”
My stomach dropped. Was this it? Here, now, he was going to explain that he could never accept me?
I didn’t speak, just listened, trying to prepare to take the blow. And at that moment, I knew it would break my heart for him to reject me. I’d already been imagining children, for fuck’s sake.
“He would have loved you, too.”
I forgot to breathe. I’d been looking out at the view while he spoke, but now I turned toward him. His handsome face was regarding me like I was the sun itself, precious.
“You think so?” I whispered.
“I know so.” He took my hand in his and drew in a shaky breath before starting a confession that tore at my heart. “I’ve been a coward, Sylvie. I’ve been worried that you would try to make me forget him or try to take his place. And I’ve been scared that if I loved you, I could lose you just like we lost him, and I’d never get over it.”
I looked down at my lap, feeling the truth of his words, his pain. It was too much. How could I put him through that? I couldn’t. It was time to let him go, let the pack go.
“I should leave.” I started to stand. “I never wanted to upset you. I hope you know that.”
“No.” It was a bark, a deep, growling order that spoke to some instinctive part of my omega nature, freezing me in place. His cheeks flushed as his eyes widened in shock at what he’d done. “Fuck, sorry. I’m fucking this up. Please, just hear me out.”
I would have been pissed, but he looked truly panicked. It was obvious he hadn’t meant to use his bark on me.
My muscles loosened, and I sat. I owed it to both of us to hear him out.
“I want you, Sylvie.” He twined his fingers through mine, and I forced myself to meet his intense gaze. “I’m done being afraid. I want you in the pack. Please, don’t give up on us. This can work. I know it can.”
I want you.It was exactly what I longed to hear. I wanted him too.
But everything he’d said mixed in my mind with what Toby had told me, and I saw myself causing him pain. Causing them all pain. Would he want to bond with me? Be able to love me? Or would resentment and fear always be there, just below the surface, keeping us emotionally apart?
I wondered what pretty words Kat had heard that convinced her to join her pack. Words that turned out to be meaningless.
Time and distance. I needed space to think this all through. Now.
As gently as I could, I extracted my hand from his and stood. “I need to go home, Luke. I can’t decide right now.”
His head fell, defeated and hurt, but he nodded. “Okay. Let me pack up. I need to show you how to get down the path.”
