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“No, we were never really that close, but it was nice to socialize once in a while.”
“I’m a little bit worried about you, Shaye.” He gave my foot a squeeze, not letting me hide this time.
“You don’t need to worry about me, Lake. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Don’t bullshit me.” His eyes were narrowed now and I hated that I lost that smile.
“What else can I be, Lake? I had to survive somehow. So, I threw myself into school. I did some graphic design work on the side, and I made superficial friends. There’s no crime in that.”
I sounded defensive and pathetic, and we both fucking knew it. But for once, he didn’t call me on it.
“Speaking of game design,” he said, switching subjects. “At the end of my letter, Everett gave us a website to check out. He left something else for us on it that he wants us to see. He said it was a way to bring us together. He wanted us to give this a shot, Shaye.Iwant to give this a shot.”
My heart fractured even further, and I didn’t even know that was possible. How could I promise him anything? I didn’t have a future.
“I’m not ready to talk about that.”
“Okay,” he said, his eyes closing in defeat, but he accepted it easily. A yawn had his mouth falling open and he ran a hand over his face.
I glanced at the clock. It was only eight but he was clearly exhausted.
“Why don’t you get some rest? We’ll check out the website in the morning after some breakfast. You clearly need sleep.”
“I didn’t sleep much last night,” he admitted. “Or the last week. I was anxious about coming here and seeing you again. That and all the memories we were about to drag up, the letter, all of it.”
“Trust me, I understand. I’m not going to run but I need you to understand something. My past with Everett has broken me in so many ways. I don’t know how to crawl out of it or how to fix it, so I can’t promise you anything, not until I figure out how to do this without him.” My voice was desperate and sounded crazed but he didn’t run away from it. Instead, he met me with calm.
“That’s alright. I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer.” His eyes were shadowed as he gave me a sad smile and ran his hand through his blond hair.
Those words lanced through my heart, though. It had Everett’s words replayed in my head.
I’d wait an eternity to hold you again, a lifetime will be nothing.
How could I do this to Lake? Could I leave him to the same fate that Everett left me in?
Fuck.
My head was more of a mess now than before.
Lake stood up, fighting off another yawn. He leaned down long enough to brush a kiss over my forehead.
“Promise me you’ll be here in the morning.”
“I promise,” I managed to whisper. He closed his eyes and nodded before heading for the bedroom. He paused in the doorway, his hand gripping the frame as he turned around to look at me.
“We’ll get through this, Shaye. We’ll follow whatever he wanted us to do, and then we can talk again. No pressure, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, giving him a smile before turning my attention back to the dwindling fire. He threw two more logs on the fire before going to bed. He didn’t close the door or bother to change. He simply collapsed on the mattress.
He may have seen right through me, but I could also see right through him. He was nothing like the Lake I remembered.
When his soft snores filled the air, I let myself outside and went to my car. I pulled out that damn bottle of pills and put it on the dashboard, staring at it.
The urge to reach for it and swallow them down was muted now.
All I could think about was Lake, his blond hair, those turquoise eyes, and the fact I wasn’t sure that I could hurt him like that.
ChapterSeven
