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“I lived on the streets for a while before I took some trade classes. They were free at the local community college. I signed up when I saw that. That’s where I met Drew. I made a name for myself. I refused to let him get the victory of breaking me down. But if you think that my past doesn’t haunt me, if you think that every night I just sleep peacefully, then you’re mistaken.”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t find the words.
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Don’t you fucking dare say you’re sorry.”
“I wasn’t going to,” I shot back.
“Our pain isn’t the same, but if anybody understands waking up every day and fighting through it, pushing forward even though your past threatens to drown you, it’s—”
“You,” I finished his sentence.
“Look, I didn’t come here to trauma bond with you,” he said as he let out a breath. “Hell, I haven’t played guitar since I left and that was one of my only escapes at home. I’m not the same person I was and I’m far from healed. But, I know what I’m talking about when I say you have to let it go. He gave you permission to move on, Shaye. You have to stop with the guilt. Stop punishing yourself.”
“How?” I demanded. “If I knew, I would.”
“By reclaiming your life and refusing to let those thoughts have a chance to win. Maybe try going to therapy.”
“You think I haven’t gone?” I questioned, letting out a humorless laugh. “My mom put me in therapy almost as soon as I lost Everett. Once I was finally able to get out of bed, I continued going. You know what they said? They said I was coping magnificently, that I was doing my best. But you know what? The only reason I was doing my best is because I knew I had an out.”
“Now you don’t,” he said, giving me a look.
“No.”
“Did you really stay for Lake, or did you stay for you?”
“For him,” I said. “He was my mate. When I read that in my letter and his scent blockers wore off, I couldn’t do it. There’s no pain worse than losing your mate. He doesn’t deserve that pain, too.”
My fingers went to my wrist and trailed over the bite mark. He snatched my hand and twisted my arm so he could see it.
“Fuck, baby girl. He bit you? You bonded and lost him?”
When I looked up, I had no words. I simply nodded as fresh tears poured from my eyes. Losing your mate was said to be painful, and when bonded, twice as bad.
Most didn’t survive.
There were countless packs that would die together, the others simply choosing not to exist without their missing piece.
And yet, I had to go on.
He pulled me into a hug, telling me without words how fucking sorry he was. I hoped he understood I was doing the same as I squeezed him back.
When he let go some of the hardness had slipped from his face.
“You have to find a reason to stay for yourself. You can’t just rely on us to replace him. You have to find what makes you happy and how you want to change your future. We want to be a part of it, yes, if you want us, but you have to live for you, baby girl.”
I blinked as I registered the nickname he’d been calling me through this entire interaction. I was so caught up in my emotions that I didn’t realize it until now.
“I thought you hated me,” I said in a quiet tone, my voice hoarse from all the yelling.
“Did I hate that you almost hurt someone I care about? Yes. But the moment I caught your scent I knew you were mine. When you’re ready for me, I’ll be here. Until then, I’m going to push you to keep going every fucking day.”
It was a promise and I knew from the determination in his eyes that he meant it.
* * *
Riven
Shaye was gorgeous.She was full of fire and fury and as she threw the stones at the water I watched her fight those demons head on.
