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Irwin
That evening we celebrated. We had dinner and danced around the kitchen while Baby Faran watched it all unfold. I wasn’t sure if he knew what we were celebrating or soon he’d have two new siblings, but his smile melted my heart.
“Alpha,” I stopped mid-step and turned to Marcus. “I just realized we forgot to get our champagne at the resort, and it might be the best thing we’ve ever forgotten.”
Marcus pulled me close, and Fen hugged me from behind.
“Sweetheart, we didn’t need to drink to have fun. We’re not frat boys.”
“I’m just--- So many things could’ve gone wrong,” I said.
“But they didn’t, did they?” Marcus asked.
“No, they didn’t.”
“You’re not a fuck up. You have fucked up zero things,” Marcus whispered to me. “You make things better. You make my life better by just breathing on the same planet as me.”
“And me,” Fen said and kissed my earlobe. “And I’ve had everything you have since the resort. Would you say I did something bad?”
“No, of course not. I’d never say that to you,” I said and twisted in the net of their arms to face Fen.
“Then don’t say it to yourself. If I didn’t fuck up by doing the same things, then you didn’t either, okay?” Fen said, his voice firmer than I ever heard it.
“But it was longer for me and---” I started, but Fen shook his head.
“No,” he said, still shaking his head. “You are a great dad. Looking at Faran is all the proof anyone could ever need of that.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Both of you.”
“We love you,” Marcus said and hugged me tight from behind.
That night after Faran was tucked into the nursery, we climbed into bed and celebrated like we were still trying to get pregnant. I lost track of who touched me where as I tried to touch both of my mates everywhere. Lost to our love and need for each other, my brain relaxed. My baby was okay. Fen’s baby was okay. Everything was going to be okay. The words became my mantra and a lot easier to believe as I sank into Fen and Marcus sank into me. Our bodies rocked together in a rhythm that was now as familiar to me as my own heartbeat. This was home. This was everything I never thought I’d have. I lost myself to the rocking and all our pleasure tangling up over the mating link until we came one after the other. I bit into Fen’s shoulder to keep from howling and waking up Baby Faran.
We lay there panting. My brain still buzzed from pleasure. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. Sometimes that feeling of love and gratitude hit me out of the blue. Only, most of the time it didn’t make me cry. That night it did. I sobbed into Marcus’s chest and Fen spooned me from behind. I cried about how lucky we were all to meet at all. Anything could’ve happened to any of us. I cried because we weren’t just lucky to meet Fen. It was a fucking miracle that he survived long enough to end up here at all. Then I thought about Dara’s old hospital and sobbed, because where were the carriers in London having their babies. Where were they going to get their well omega exams? Where could they take their colicky babies?
“Doctors are practicing out of tents and another hospital is still running just outside the city,” Marcus said.
He’d been quiet, just cooing to me that it would be okay up until then when the thoughts crossed my mind.
“Huh?” I looked up, trying to wipe away tears that wouldn’t stop falling.
“They’re being taken care of. Anything minor is happening in pop up hospitals and RVs. The surviving hospital is taking surgeries and births. Some folks are choosing home births too. They’re taken care of.”
“I couldn’t imagine having a baby over there right now or during the war,” I said, biting back another sob.
“You don’t have to,” Fen said. “We’re in Heartville. We’re going to stay right here, Irwin. The world is fucked up. It’s scary, but we’re together and we’re doing our best.”
We lay like that until I was cried out. My eyes burnt as Marcus carried me into the shower with Fen on his heels. They washed me gently from head to toe. Then, while Fen dried me off, Marcus changed the sheets and brought Baby Faran to bed. I crawled in the bed between them that night, knowing only luck had spared those I cared about. It might’ve been greedy, but I was still so fucking grateful for that.
Chapter Forty-Five
Fen
In some ways, being pregnant was like growing a science experiment inside my body. Each day, I checked the growth of my belly in the mirror. Sometimes, several times a day. If a watched pot never boils, a watched baby bump never appears. I took the vitamins and watched some more. I spent long hours wandering the village and wondering what my baby would be like.
At Marcus’s urging, Irwin had limited his writing time to four hours a day. I thought he should just plain out take pregnancy leave, but he was following the thread of the story and didn’t want to give it up. He cried a lot. Sometimes at the book. Sometimes because we ran out of milk or salt. One time he cried because his shoe came untied. I worried about him. Dara and Marcus assured me it was normal, but I still worried. Every faucet eventually ran dry. What happened after Irwin ran out of tears to cry?
After two weeks of trying everything to soothe him, I ended up on Starry’s front porch, knocking on the door. He was the heart of the local witch group that Irwin belonged to. Starry opened the door, holding Baby Xiam, to his chest. The fox kit was only a few months old, but he was big. He looked around the doorway and then his eyes settled on me.
