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Tears stream down my cheeks as I sink to the floor.
I made light of what happened with Lars, but it’s walloping me. I want to cry out for my guys, but pride and wanting to be the strong woman Ford thinks I am keeps my mouth shut.
Sitting there with the sketchbook opened, I trace my fingers along the grainy surface. One of the new pencils lies there, so I pick it up.
With tears in my eyes, I bring it to the paper and wait. Wait to feel that pit in my stomach where emptiness rots.
My fingers take over and, in a few seconds, it’s a body form.
A curvy one. Wearing a dress. A dress...
I just sketched a dress.
Wait. What?
I get more comfortable, and a few moments later, the sketch is more detailed.
Breathing heavily, I slowly reach for my colored pencils. I close my eyes and grab whichever one my fingers land on. I can’t be choosy. I scoff a laugh seeing green. Green, like Emery’s eyes.
I bring it to the pad and start to fill in the body form. Then I grab another pencil, burnt umber like Ash’s eyes to add accents and trim everything in blue like Ford’s eyes.
Ideas for several more dresses flood my mind. I close my eyes and see a spring collection of greens and yellows. Next, I’m designing blue-stone necklaces, andholy cow, I’m designing jewelry!
My fingers don’t stop. My brain is back online.
I’m sketching. I’m designing. I’m back!
I keep going, because every second my mind is occupied, I don’t feel Lars’ hands on my shoulder shoving me to the floor.
Looking at this dress, I see my way out of the darkness.
THIRTY-FIVE
FORD
“Bernadette?” I call out to her, knocking on her bedroom door.
She’s been in there most of the last few days according to Nell.
I wrapped up another important case and hate that I haven’t been home much. Pratt’s busy too, and I’m waiting for a date for my Motion to Dismiss hearing for Kinsey.
Ash scheduled a few emergency surgeries but has been calling her. Emery had to fly to Atlanta to meet with a new development team to replace the scumbag who attacked Bernie.
She’s got three boyfriends, and we’ve all been too busy for her.
I feel like shit and apparently, I’m not alone.
Ash and Emery walk down my hallway. It’s Friday and we can all use this weekend to be with the woman we... Do we love her?
Do I?
I can’t stop thinking about her. She makes me feel alive. And she brought Ash back into my life.
She wants meandhim. She wants us and we want her. I want to give it a shot, and I don’t take unnecessary chances. This is real.
So, yeah, I guess I love her.
“Is she all right?” Emery asks.
