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"Thanks," I said again. "I mean it. I've had a shit weekend."
"Yeah, you really have. Shit's not fair," he assured me. "When they call this the toughest sport on dirt, I sometimes wonder if they mean the bulls or what happens behind the chutes."
"Or both," I decided.
I dared to reach over and clasp his arm, just so he knew how much his help meant to me. It didn't matter that a few thousand fans might see. I honestly didn't care if any potential sponsors had a problem with it. Max said to do this my way and that I was selling myself. Well, this was me, and even after the craptastic weekend I had, guys proving they were on my side? They needed to know it helped.
This weekend I'd learned the PBR had a few more things in common with my hometown rodeos than I liked, but guys like Wes gave me hope. I hadn't had those back home. Instead, I'd gotten nothing but the hate. The guys had slashed my tires, tried to trash my truck, fucked with me in the locker rooms the one time I tried to use them, and more.
Then there'd been my love life. Cole had dated me for months until I trusted him enough to give him my virginity. Then, he'd used that to make sure he broke my heart, hoping it would chase me off. That crew was sure I wouldn't be able to ride if I was crying, so they did their best to keep the tears flowing - and yet, I was still here, while they weren't.
If I was honest, Ty hurt more. I'd honestlylikedhim. For a moment, I'd been convinced he and I had something special. When Tanner had needed my help, Ty had been so cool with it! Now this? It wasn't that he'd been a little jealous. I could've handled that. Shit, the thought of a guy like Ty being jealous over me was flattering.
No, the issue was the smothering. It was how he acted like I would break sometimes - but not others. He had complete faith with me on a bull, but the moment I wanted to talk to someone, get serious about this as a career, or focus on taking care of myself, he'd gotten pissed. Did he know something I didn't? Was that what had changed this weekend?
I was torn between wanting to apologize to him and needing to explain how much it hurt when he acted like I was some weak and helpless little girl. Basically, I just needed a chance totalkto him, and to do it where a million ears weren't trying to hear the wrong thing. But what would I say? I knew Shelby would have some words of wisdom for me, but it was too late to call her now, with the time zones and all. I should've thought about this earlier.
But thinking about Ty had my eyes running down the line to find him. If I was in seventh, then Derek was eighth. That meant he should be over there, but he wasn't. I saw Austin, who'd also had a buck-off, so I was pretty sure that was about the right area. Confused, I looked the other way. Still no Ty. Where the hell was he?
The glare of the spotlight landing on a cowboy near me jerked my mind back to the present. It moved to the guy in tenth place. The announcer called out his name, and Jaxon Cade lifted his hat in acknowledgement. One by one, our places were called out. Our names and hometowns were made into a big deal. I was starting to get used to this ordeal, but when the lights landed on me, I couldn't manage to bring up a smile.
I lifted my hat and looked up, seeing my face on the massive screen where our rides had been replayed. Across the way, women screamed enthusiastically. A few men added their voices, but I couldn't miss some guy at the side.
"Take it all off, baby!"
I just let my eyes close in a slow blink, knowing my reaction was up there for everyone to see. Was that what this was? Had the PBR decided that the "apple pie girl" should become a different kind of joke? Well, fuck that. I wasn't getting in the kitchen to bake for them. I wasn't going to smile at jokes that weren't funny. I certainly wasn't going to cry because a few cowboys had a problem with me.
I'd given that up years ago.
Then the lights moved on. The moment they were off me, it felt like a weight lifted. Unfortunately, another took its place. This was my dream - didn't these people realize that? This was the only way a girl like me could make a life for herself. I wasn't like Shelby. I didn'tfit inback home. I wasn't a nice little lady, and I couldn't become one just to make others happy.
I was a goddamned bull rider.
So I lifted my chin a little more and tried to fake it through the end of this. When the light moved to the third-place finisher, I realized he was on top of the chutes again. So was second place, Jake. It made an impressive display, literally putting them above the rest of us, and with the effects the PBR was known for, those men looked like gods.
J.D. was placed right in the middle of it all, even higher than the rest. When the spotlight hit him, he lifted a fist into the air in some sign of resistance, but his head was tipped down at me. It took me a second to realize this was a sign of solidaritywith me!
He didn't need to say a word. He didn't try to preach. J.D. simply lifted his hand over his head and focused his attention on me. A few other guys turned to look at me as well. The strange thing was that I didn't want to shrink into myself.
My shoulders relaxed. My chin lifted. I felt my lips curling. One side of J.D.'s mouth twisted to match. Even with the music and announcements playing so loud that we didn't have a chance of saying a thing, his expression said enough.
He stood with me.
The rest of the ceremony was a blur. In some cases, that was literal. The bursts of smoke and lights made it hard for us to see much of anything on the ground. When the whole ordeal was finally done, the last prayer was said, and all the buckles had been handed out, I had no problem hurrying back to grab my stuff.
J.D. and Tanner returned together, walking side by side. I glanced up, aware Tanner had a bag with him this time. When he reached my side, Tanner snagged mine as well, hanging it beside his own while J.D. had to get his own gear.
"So," Tanner said, "while you all were lining up, I decided to grab some of my stuff. Yes, I'm inviting myself to your room, Cody. You ok with that?"
"Yeah," I assured him, realizing it was true. "I'm not sure if I'm going to be a lot of fun, but I'm definitely ok with some company."
"Chopped fuckin' liver," J.D. grumbled even as he nudged me towards the exit. "And since we're stickin' around tomorrow for your picture day, we should let the rest of this crew get ahead of us. Let them all race to Des Moines while we relax and recover, right?"
"I just want to see these pictures," Tanner teased. "The pissed look is working for her."
J.D. snorted a laugh. "And that's a good way to sleep on the couch. I mean, if her room had a couch, which it doesn't."
"No, he's fine," I assured them. "I am pissed. I've had a shit day - that wasn't really that bad." I groaned. "Ok, that makes no sense, but that's how it feels."
