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"What happened? Are you ok? Do we need to get her an ambulance?"
"No," I said to that last question. "I'm fine."
"She's probably been hit harder by a bull," Doc assured Max. "I see no signs of a concussion. Looks like she's going to have a few bruises show up later, but no broken bones. Cody, if you get any dark bruises on your abdomen, you call me right away, ok?"
I nodded. "Promise."
Then he scowled at me, his brow furrowed like he was thinking hard. "I can give you a prescription for some pain pills, since you will start hurting soon, but I don't want you on them for too long."
"J.D.'s coming," Tanner broke in. "I told him to bring his vape."
"We need to get her back to the hotel," Max insisted.
"What about my pictures?" I asked.
Max gave me a confused look. "Cody..."
"I've been waiting for those," I said. "Who knows how long it will be before they'll let me do this again. I need to take those pictures before the bruises get bad, Max."
"Cody," he tried again. "Sweetie, you're hurt. You need to take care of yourself first. I mean, we can get you a flight home so you can see your dad. He'll want to take care of you, and this is going to need a little time to heal before you try to ride again. Give yourself a chance to recover. Think about how you're feeling, you know?"
"But I told my dad I was going to be a real bull rider," I mumbled, aware I sounded childish, but I could feel my heart sinking. "They took everything else from me this weekend, Max. I'm not going to let them chase me off before I even get my official pictures. I wanted proof that I'm doing this. That I made it this far."
Because if I couldn't even walk the halls alone, what else did I have to hold on to? Showing my father my official PBR pictures was the one thing that would make him even more proud of me, and for some reason, it was what my mind decided to latch on to.
Maybe I hadn't gotten any more sponsors. I couldn't compete with the men because the judges weren't going to score me fairly. I could push through all of that, making sure I rode the bulls each weekend, but eventually I'd get bucked off. Everyone did.
Which meant there was no way I could win. The odds were stacked against me, and everyone just wanted me to go home. So maybe I should? But then I'd lose J.D. and Tanner, and I didn't want that. Not that I was doing this for a man, but they were that little push that kept tilting the scales back to trying one more time.
With my body aching and every inch of me hurting enough that the tears kept pushing at my eyes, giving in sounded so tempting. What sucked was that I had nothing else. If I quit riding bulls, then what else would I do with myself? I didn't have enough money to buy a farm. I knew a little about making hay, but not enough to do it on my own. I had the skills to be a cashier at a gas station, but not to get a job that would pay more than minimum wage!
This was what I'd dedicated my life to, and if I quit now, I'd have nothing. My best bet would be to settle down with some man, let him chase a career while I popped out babies for him. All my dreams would evaporate into the pathetic stories people told around the Elbow back home, and I'd end up spending the rest of my life counting down the days until I was old or dead - just like my dad.
Then there was my pride.
I wantedmore.Even if I failed at it, if they were going to kick me out, then I wanted them to actually kick, not make me run away with my tail between my legs. I didn't want to grow old knowing I'd given up on the one dream I'd had. I didn't want to leave the PBR after only three fucking events!
"Let her take the pictures," Tanner said.
Max just looked me over, reaching up to wipe at my cheek with a fatherly hand. "Are you sure, Cody? I will not let them push you to do more than you think you can."
"I'm doing this," I decided.
Which earned me a weak little smile. "Ok. I have some wet wipes out in my car. Let me go get those. Tanner, can you help her into one of the rooms so she can clean herself up a bit and get ready?"
"I can," Tanner promised.
Doc just lifted a hand, holding Tanner off. "Cody, you listen to J.D. about how much of his weed you take, ok? Do not drive while stoned. Don't you even think about riding a bull when you're high. You hear me?"
"Yes, sir," I assured him.
He nodded. "Ok. And now is as good of a time as any to tell you that your tests were negative. You're good there, but I'm sure you won't be feeling like doing anything about it for a few days at least."
"Wouldn't bet on that," Tanner muttered from my other side.
Doc actually chuckled at that. "Kids. Trust me, when you hit forty, you do not recover from this shit as quickly." Then he looked at me again. "Are you sure you can handle standing for these pictures? Posing? As your adrenaline wears off, you will start hurting."
"Which is one thing I know how to deal with, Doc," I promised.
