Page 16 of Jump Back On

Her teeth clamped down on her lower lip as the elevator doors opened. There was a little smile on her mouth, but it looked like she was trying hard to hide it. She also didn't say a single thing as we walked through the hotel lobby and out to J.D.'s truck. I put her in the passenger seat, and I was barely behind the wheel before she picked up where we'd left off.

"So it's ok to talk about this with you?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," I promised. "Mostly because I'd kinda like to talk about it with you."

She buckled herself in and then leaned back, something in her posture changing. "Well, if you were Shelby, who's the only person I've ever talked to about this stuff, I'd say it was amazing. He's so gentle, you know? And he was kinda worried that maybe something had changed, like that it was wrong that he actually likes me, but I like him back!"

"Like?" I asked, because that wasnotthe word I'd use for J.D.'s feelings towards her.

Cody just shrugged. "Considering my past love life consists of Cole and Ty? Yeah, how about we stick with like. But a very serious like." Then she sucked in a breath and her head whipped over so she could look at me. "I mean, I like you too!"

I just waved her down and put the truck in reverse. "Cody, it's fine. It's not a competition."

"Well, yeah."

But her eyes were hanging on me. In truth, I completely understood what she was feeling. This whole situation was not at all what I'd expected. The only difference was I was used to one-night stands, casual sex, and thinking nothing of it. She wasn't.

"See," I said as I got on the road, following the GPS on my phone, "the way I see it? We're all looking for someone to love us, right? But the problem with that is we're all different people. There's no way you're going to feel about me the same way you feel about J.D. There's no way I'm going to feel about him the way I do you. Might be close. Might be equivalent, but it'll be different because we're not the same."

"Ok, that makes sense," she relented.

"And," I went on, pressing my advantage, "you've spent more time with him than me. I've spent more time with him than you. Just means things are going to move at different speeds, and that's a good thing. I figure it's not fair for me to not like him because I'm still learning you, or vice versa."

That made a little smile crack her lips. "And you're not jealous?"

I scoffed. "Why, because Ty was a jealous fucker? Nah. I'm not jealous. Not about J.D. To me, this is a team effort, and if you get there before I do, I'll cheer you on. I'm just hoping it works like that in reverse."

"You mean falling in love?" Her words were so soft.

I nodded, hoping I looked wise or something. "Yeah, because I really like the idea of falling in love."

"I'm kinda scared of it," she admitted. "Cole almost broke me."

"Cole was different," I countered. "That's betrayal, Cody, and I'll never do that to you. Pretty sure J.D. wouldn't either. Now, that doesn't mean we're guaranteed to work out, but there's a difference between not being in love and screwing you over."

Beside me, her shoulders softened and my girl relaxed back into her seat. "Thanks, Tanner." She turned back to the front and stared at the traffic around us. "I think I needed that. But now tell me about this dinner with your parents? I mean, I got all dressed up for it."

"And you look absolutely amazing," I assured her. "But it's going to suck."

"Why?"

"Because they're ashamed of me." I glanced over, checking to see how she took that. "My parents are convinced I'm throwing my life away, being dumb and rebellious or some shit. There's no future in being a rodeo clown, they say. I'm old enough to start being serious in life. You know, that sort of mess."

"Not really," she said. "See, my dad wanted to make it big in the rodeo. He was doing it, too. The only reason he stopped was because of me. Mom and my brother were killed in a car wreck, and she was pregnant with me. I was born premature, which meant he dropped everything else to take care of me."

"And he did a good job," I reminded her. "That man adores you, Cody. He's damned proud of you too. I'd have to be blind to miss how he thinks you hung the moon."

"Yeah..." She chuckled once. "I've kinda been seeing him in a whole new light lately. I used to think he wanted me to stop playing at this, but ever since Tulsa? I've started to realize I didn't need to prove myself to him, because I already had. He wanted me to be safe and happy. He thinks the PBR will break me, or I'll lose everything when I get too hurt to ride. He's also convinced I'll make a million dollars this year!"

"You probably will," I pointed out. "I mean, you're getting sponsors. You're getting noticed. Now, maybe it's not enough sponsors, and maybe the attention isn't the kind you hoped for, but it's still happening. So long as you keep riding the way you've been - regardless of the crap scores the judges are giving you - people will notice. Soon enough, they'll start asking questions."

"Which has nothing to do with your parents," she countered, making me aware I'd gotten off track.

I groaned. "My folks don't know I'm pansexual. My dad thinks that stuff is disgusting. He's convinced it's a choice. Growing up, I knew it would get me kicked out, so the guys I made out with? It was always a secret."

"So you never came out to them?"

I shook my head. "Not gonna either. Mom says the same stuff, but she doesn't sound as hateful when she does it. I'm not sure if she's saying it to make him happy or because she believes it. The problem is, I don't care anymore. I'm not the son they wanted. I'm not the kid they tell their friends about. I'm the black sheep, and except for these dinners once a year, I pretty much don't talk to them."

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