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“No bother.” I ruffle her head, same as I have since she was knee-high to a grasshopper. “You need to sweat your liver, and I don’t judge. But that girl over there.” I twist to look at Rae as I deliver the final line. “She’s reminded me what it is to have purpose, Mads. I haven’t ached to make a woman happy like I do her for fuckin’ years.”
“I know.” She rests her jaw on the palm of her hand. “I see it in you. It’s just hard. And it’s not that I don’t trust her, because I do. Rae’s pure at heart and true of intention. She doesn’t swindle and use people. She just tells you how it is and treats you how she wants to be treated—with respect. I think it’s that I’m protective of you and Daddy.” Maddie sighs. “You’ve both been burned, and I’ve seen you both hurtin’ because of it. I don’t want to step aside and let that happen again. Not if I can do something to stop it.”
“You let us make our own mistakes, and you make yours. Yeah?”
Her lips flatten.
“Tell Deo I said hi when you finally decide to give that date a do-over.”
Her smile softens my heart, making it easier to stomach the burn that accompanies walking away. Leaving the room and leaving Rae behind with Tyke. What I told Maddie was true—Tyke won’t give this up easy, and I’d like to say neither will I. But history proves otherwise. Any time my brother and I have gone up against one another, it’s always me who backs down. Perpetually the peacekeeper. That’s what my brothers in the force would joke about me, and that’s what the brothers in the club have always relied on.
Smash a head against a wall, break a few knuckles—I’ll do what needs to be done to get the point across. But start unnecessary wars? Pick a fight where there’s none to be had. That ain’t me. It’s not in my nature, and it never will be.
Which is why I cut up the stairs, down the hallway, and duck through the access door to the one place I know I can find solace when the clubhouse crawls with men and women, all seeking home in the company of like minds: the rooftop. The approaching dusk paints amber hues across the still-warm sheet steel of the roof, the trees outlined in pretty colors that highlightthe turning shades of fall. Been sneaking out here since I was a nipper, at first to sip the chocolate milk I’d stolen from under the old ladies’ noses in the kitchen, and then as I grew older and bolder to do what I am now.
I settle my ass on the box frame of an air-conditioning vent and tip the lid to the insulated box I keep nestled amongst the hips of the roofline. Two minutes of meditation is what I call it, the time it takes me to roll myself a joint while I stare out at that pretty, building sunset and let Mother Nature humble me as only she can.
The tendrils of her sweet smoke that fill my lugs sate me in a whole other way.
It ain’t lost on me that these peaceful moments may be few and far between soon. No matter if it’s Terry running out of patience or my brother doing what he thinks is best for the club, there’s a battle yet to be had. Each man’s reason for lifting arms will be different. Tyke wants control, the brothers in the club want stability, and me? I just want her.
The lost little lamb amongst the wolves.
Fuck.Rae ain’t innocent. I know that, but shit, she’s pure, and that’s about as close as you can get to innocence in our world of debauchery and sin. Shit—it may even be worse.
But it still don’t hold a light to the selfish desires that pulse through me, spreading their blooming toxin with each breath of air we share, each second I stand too long in her aura, every goddamn moment she steals my resolve all over again, as though I ain’t ever laid eyes on her before.
I wasn’t lying when I said that I’ve drifted through this life without purpose for too long. My fear, now, is that I’ve found it. And the thing giving it life?
It’ll be the same thing that destroys me.
44
RAE
“You sure about this?”I jostle the open-face helmet in my hands and cast a glance right to where Minion and Hammer wait on their darkened machines in the early morning light.
I barely slept a wink the last two nights, shifting from position to position, unable to find one that would keep my rampant thoughts at bay. Tyke offered to keep me company, but I asked for time alone to sort out how I felt, and he surprisingly agreed. Yet, I don’t think the time to think has done me any favors.
Maddie strode away after I broke the news about my strange little trio and didn’t speak a word to me the rest of the day. Or the morning after. Never said she was leaving, either. She’s been gone all night, which only leads me to one conclusion—she’s avoiding me.
I don’t blame her.
And now Tyke wants to take me shopping for a fucking road trip. Not just two days on the road, either. A week camped out with several hundred bikers at their annual get-together. I asked Tyke how they get away with it—gatheringen masselike that. He gave me assurances that the local police departments are onboard, issuing permits for road closures and the like in trade for ‘benefits’ to the department.
I didn’t dare ask what those benefits are.
“Positive.” Tyke takes the helmet from my grasp and pops it on my head, securing the strap beneath my chin. “Tired of seein’ you in borrowed shit already. And if we’re spendin’ as much time on the road as we will be, you need proper protection.”
I sigh, closing my eyes briefly.
It’s not that I’m ungrateful. I’m tired of living out of a suitcase, keeping a meager amount of belongings should I need to move again. It’s that his thoughtfulness and generosity are two things I’m unaccustomed to.
I don’t know how to accept the gift.
“Hey.” I re-open my eyes to find rich umber irises staring back at me. “I meant what I said earlier. He won’t touch you. Not as long as you got us around.”
“Then why do I have this?” I jerk at the bulletproof vest protruding from the neckline of my loaned jacket.
