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“Hi, I’m Sasha,” I say tentatively into the darkness, feeling like a complete idiot.
“Hey, Sasha, I’m Joe.”
Joe’s voice is higher than most men’s and is quite nasally. If I had to guess, I’d say he’s on the short side, definitely under six feet, with a slight build. In other words, not my type – at all. “First time eating here?” I ask.
“It is. I’ve been looking forward to it all day. I’m quite the foodie if I do say so myself.”
“What types of foods are you into?”
“Everything, really. Korean, Laotian, Ethiopian, Cajun, Cuban. You name it, I’ve probably tried it.”
Joe goes on to tell me about at least ten different unusual restaurants he’s eaten at in the city in the last couple of months. He barely takes a breath as he goes on and on about exactly what he ate at each restaurant.
Thankfully, the server finally comes back to bring us some water and take our order. He gives us the three options for the evening – chicken, filet or red snapper – and explains that there will be accompanying starches and vegetables but it’s more fun if we don’t know what they are. It’s part of the experience to “arouse your palate and heighten your senses.”
I order the fish and a Chardonnay. I wasn’t planning on drinking any alcohol tonight but I feel like this is going to be a long night.
After the waiter leaves with our orders, Joe jumps right back in and describes in detail the frog legs that he ate last week. Suddenly I hear a thump and feel a sudden coldness in my lap.
“Oh, my God, what’s that?” I almost scream.
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I think I spilled my water. They really should put it in a sippy cup or something. How are we supposed to know where it is?”
I grab my napkin and start blotting at the water. My skirt is completely soaked down the front and the napkin is only minimally helping the situation. Joe hands me his napkin for backup. Doing the best I can, I wait for the server to show up again.
And Joe… well, Joe starts talking about the fried rattlesnake that literally changed his life. Fuck, I’m going to kill Lauren for making me do this. And who thought Joe would be a good date? He’s incredibly boring and hasn’t asked me one damn question about myself so far tonight.
The food arrives and we both feel around for our silverware. I take a small bite of fish and it’s overcooked but edible.
“This filet is fantastic. How’s your fish?” Joe asks.
I really don’t feel like getting into it with Mr. Food so I simply say, “Pretty good.”
I take another bite of something else on the plate. It tastes like dirt and it’s slimy. Oh my God, I may just throw up. Whatthe fuck is it? I keep chewing, just trying to get it down my throat and finally figure out that it’s a mushroom. I can’t stand mushrooms and if I’d known that was a possibility I would have requested something else. I take a huge swig of wine to wash it down and decide I should probably just stick with the fish.
“Wow, these mushrooms are amazing! I think they must be chanterelles which are absolutely one of my favorites,” Joe says, smacking his lips together. “Chanterelles are yellow. Did you know that?”
He doesn’t give me a chance to answer and instead just continues on. “They have this really great slightly fruity flavor. I’m definitely getting a hint of apricot.”
Desperately trying not to get any more mushrooms on my fork, I think about how to change the subject from food.
“So, what do you do for work?” I ask, hoping this question is enough of a departure from food to move us in another direction.
“I’m a business consultant. I travel a ton which can be tough sometimes. But, the super cool thing about that is I get to try restaurants in different cities. Just last month I was in Tulsa and, let me tell you, their barbeque is like nothing I’ve ever tasted…”
Seriously?? He obviously can’t stop. I find myself zoning out while he continues to ramble on endlessly about the different types of barbeque in the US. This night can’t end soon enough…
And, even worse, being here with Joe is making me miss Spencer even more than I already did.
I wake up with a queasy feeling in my stomach. Fucking mushrooms… I tried not to eat any more last night after that first bite but wasn’t able to avoid them completely.
I get up and take a shower, hoping the spray of the piping hot water will make me feel better.
But, no such luck. The day drags on at work and I do what I can, but the queasiness continues and even gets worse after a lunch of crackers and cold cuts.
I google ‘how to get rid of nausea’ and start reading about remedies like ginger tea and peppermint essential oil. Then, I come across a line that stops my heart.Nausea often occurs in the first trimester of pregnancy.
Oh, fuck. I’m not pregnant,am I?
