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More than strange, even, is the fact that it's grotesquely annoying. Each time she spends away from me doubles the craving I have for her.
I remember having to take things step-by-step with her because I didn't want to rush her into emotions, but now I'm regretting not bedding her instantly the night she gave me the chance.
The next day I spend with Skylar, as we usually used to before Rebecca became more active, and the girl doesn't seem to notice the shift.
Obviously, she’s become way too accustomed to my attention to really miss her mom when Rebecca is not around.
This time, though, Rebecca comes early, or at least I wait for her late enough for whenever she gets back.
"Hey." She smiles. It's a timid smile, which I'm not sure I should get from her. I should be the one blushing.
"I missed you yesterday. I'm sorry. I apologize. I had some…"
She stops me with a hug. It's a very simplistic one by the nature of it, just her stepping into my arms and bringing her body flush against mine, but it's enough to tell me there's deeper meaning into it.
"You don't have to explain yourself, Jordan. I understand," she tells me with a lot more sympathy than I was expecting.
What is that about?
I notice she is very tired, so I kill off any plans of making love to her tonight. Besides, that's not my agenda, no matter how much the cravings build.
The only reason I'm supposed to try to penetrate her emotional defenses is to get her to take me along with her on her trip towards the end of the month.
Other than that, I should show no more affection to her than she does to me, at least to keep her interested.
Now, though, as she hugs me, the reason I make no plans to engage her in sex transcends me wanting to do things professionally. It’s more now because I care about her, and her feelings.
I care about how her day has gone and genuinely don't want to exhaust her further. If anyone had told me months ago, I'd look at Rebecca and care for her in the way I do now, I'd punch the person and break a few teeth.
I play around the living room and wait for her to invite me to her room so that I can be her comfort from a terribly exhausting day she left very early/ I assume there was so much work for her to do.
She doesn't invite me in, and instead bids me a nervous goodbye before heading upstairs. As usual, Rebecca advises I just take the room downstairs rather than put myself at risk by walking home now. I decline the offer, though, simply because I need to rekindle my hatred for Thomas.
Staying in this house has too much love, and it's going to soften me.
Much to my annoyance,when I come back the next morning, I try to be as early as possible, yet Rebecca has left. She's really avoiding me this time, but it's only just frustrating.
I must begin to move the motion for her to take me along with her to that rig, so having her avoid me because of her childish shyness does irritate me a little. I should be the one doing these things. I should be the one avoiding her because like it or not, I'm on the receiving end, at least to her.
The day goes on as usual, and now Skylar notices, but I'm able to divert the attention of the girl with this simple binge-watch of her favorite cartoon.
It's only so long I can keep her distracted enough to realize her mother isn't actively trying to be with us anymore. I have no right to complain about it, but Skylar does.
I, however, feel more disgruntled. As much as I would like to deny it, there's that part of me that wants to accept Rebecca. There's that part of me that likes her and considers her more than just a boss to use for tactical advantage.
I think she's pretty, smart, very considerate, and caring when she wants to be to those she loves and selfless.
More so, she's a leader, and I don't like how that turns me on, the fact that she's strong and charismatic enough to drive hundreds of people.
I use the rest of the day to try and iron out my emotions and tell myself that I just like her for being her. I try to get myself to believe that her qualities are attractive, but it's a blatant lie. It's almost like a movie to me when each second that passes, I think about Rebecca on a deeper level than I always have.
She comes back home, of course, when Skylar has already slept and does the exact same thing she did yesterday. She gives me a warm, soothing hug. Marie is there even and is shocked at the exchange between the both of us, but I'm surprised that she doesn't care.
In fact, she stays in my arms much longer than yesterday, and it gives Marie a soft instruction concerning her laundry right from the enclaves of my embrace.
When Marie leaves to execute her command, Rebecca steps away from the hug and takes both of my hands to look me in the eye.
"Jordan, you said something about your father the other day, she tells me. “I just want you to know that I'm sorry for his death."
