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I scream for someone to come, but by the time they get there, my father is already dead.
Before his eyes lost life, I could see the last moments in them…he was sad…disappointed, even, that he’d die this way.
I am as well, and one thing never leaves my mind?the face of my father’s killer.
I close my eyes to internalize his face and burn the hatred for him deep into my soul and when I open them, everything is still.
I hear no more, the weeps and cries of various workers and my disturbed shrieks of pain. The only thing that follows me into the real world is the tears that were streaming down my face.
However, there’s comfort and it comes from an uncanny source.
“Hey…don’t cry…I’m here.” I tiny voice coos, patting my head. It’s Skylar.
And she’s not the only person who has her tiny arms wrapped around me. I feel a bigger presence and pressure rocking me ever so slightly.
When Rebecca can tell that I’m awake, she pauses her rocking, but keeps her hold on me, only more careful this time.
Am I going to say no to comfort? With how broken I am?I most certainly think not.
14
REBECCA
Jordan doesn’t react too badly to me holding him and comforting him. To me, this is a relief because he is still ready to receive my love.
Right now, that is all I must give, and everything else feels like garbage. At least to him.
The whole thing was Skylar’s idea, though, as she fell asleep in his arms.
She noticed him crying some five minutes earlier, and she called me to comfort him because she was afraid, she wasn't doing too efficient of a job.
I feel her own comfort was better because, of course, he might very well still be angry at me. He has every right to be furious though I let him down so bad.
When I had the information with me, I should have informed him as fast as I could and made it known to him that I condemn the events that happened, even though my father was directly involved.
However, I did not do that, and bygones being bygones, he hates me now. I don’t blame him for that.
Once he realizes that he is crying, he tries to sober up as much as possible, in which men being men, lasted only about five to ten minutes.
In that short space of time, he completely organizes himself to the point where he's even smiling with Skylar.
He's smiling with Skylar only,not me.
I stick out like a sore thumb, contributing my own smiles to the scenario just so that Skylar doesn’t find anything off about the situation.
I’m dying inside, waiting for him to talk to me. He could yell, scream, and bellow at me, but the silence is killing me.
With silence, I don’t know his true intentions, and I’d rather he tell me he wants to resign now and leave my life forever than keeping me in this repeated loop of anxiety and wondering when it's going to happen.
Eventually, Jordan does the honors and puts Skylar to sleep.
Well, he fell asleep. Marie left because I told her to. She was bent on waiting for Skylar and Jordan to have their little cuddly moment before putting Skylar to proper sleep-in bed.
Jordan does an effective job anyway, so I don’t see why she should stay any longer when she has kids. When he comes back down, she tries to leave, but I’m on the path. To leave the house, he now must mingle his way past me, and I don’t let him.
"Jordan, please talk to me," I plead in hushed tones.
"I have no words for you," he says simply. His tone carries very little aggression but more venom than I ever thought he had in him, at least directed towards me. I break, but I stand strong.
