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That was the last straw!
I walk over to the bar where my manager Kathy is serving drinks and she flashes me her famous fake smile.
"I quit!"
"What? You know I'm short staffed. Wait!"
I continue to march toward the exit without another word.
I have to admit, it feels pretty damn good walking out this door and leaving this god awful place behind but it's bitter sweet because I have no idea how i'll be able to financially keep my head above water until I land the next gig.
Either way I know that I have to find a way to pursue my dreams while still paying the bills.
I close my laptop, pushing it off of my lap and onto the couch with annoyance.
It's been two weeks since I've quit Blue Bar and I haven't landed anything yet.
Granted, I've been mainly filling out applications for what I really want to do which is photography.
I fill out applications every day with an optimistic attitude but I should’ve known that nothing has changed since yesterday.
I mean, I guess a lot of people aren’t looking for photographers anymore.
It’s not like it was back in the day when every store had a studio for family pictures.
Now, if you don’t have your own studio, you’re basically screwed. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have my own studio, but that kind of career move takes money. And a lot of it. That’s something I don’t have.
I wasn’t born into money. I had to work my ass off just to get my college paid for and now, with a degree, I’m working my ass off to survive.
If it wasn’t for my roommate and best friend, I would’ve been running back to mommy and daddy a long time ago. However, I don’t feel good about leaving all the burden on her.
We’re supposed to be splitting rent, utilities, and the grocery bill. She’s been taking most of it on all on her own while I’m able to give her a few bucks here and there.
I dream of the day that I can actually pay her back the thousands I owe her. She’s not keeping track, but I am.
That’s the kind of person I am. And the kind of person she is. She gives and gives and never expects anything in return. And I…I pay back my debts.
I tell myself that I can budget well enough to last me until the next booking but my finances get so tight that I have no choice but to take on full-time waitressing jobs.
I spent so much time killing myself for change and it didn’t leave me with any time to take on any photography jobs.
Family portraits, gender reveals, and baby showers are small gigs that I can work around. However, something as big as a wedding, a job that actually pays significantly, I miss out on because I couldn’t afford to take off work for days at a time. And every good photographer knows that a wedding is more than just one day.
There’s the bachelor and bachelorette parties, there’s the rehearsal dinner, there’s bride and groom getting ready, and then the ceremony and reception.
The only time I feel like I’m being myself is when I’m behind the camera, capturing these special moments. Which means I haven’t felt like myself lately.
I feel like that kid that brought a camera everywhere she went. Like I’m only playing photographer instead of actually being one.
I push all thoughts from my mind as I lean forward and grab the remote to the TV. Maybe taking my mind off it a little while will help put things into perspective.
The door opens and I turn my head to see Ashley, my best friend and roommate, walking in. She’s wearing a big smile on her face and her feet are moving at lightning speed. Her long dark hair whooshes around her face when she flings herself onto the couch at my side.
“Where’s the fire?” I ask, glancing around the room with a smirk.
“You’ll never guess the news I have.” She begins shimmying out of her coat.
“You got a raise?”
