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“I know you probably don’t need it, but if you do need help getting plastic surgery to fix your leg, I’ll help.”
I wave him off. “Nope, not getting that. I learned the first time around to accept my scars. They’re proof that I survived something twisted and tragic. Once it heals, I’ll talk with Sasha, Alexei, and Axe about a tattoo. There are a few others I’ve been wanting to get to but just haven’t gotten them yet. I’ll use the coping mechanisms that I used last time to help me process things and put them behind me.”
“Damn, I hope I find someone like you someday.”
“I’m sure you will. You’re too good of a man to not have someone special in your life.”
He snorts, but I know it’s true.
“What else is bugging you? I can tell there’s something else.”
“It’s weird, but I keep getting flashes of things when I know I was out. Well, sort of out of it. I remember them putting the mask over my face, but then I could still feel them stitching me up, but the pain was muted, sort of.”
“You weren’t fully under?”
“I’m guessing my size was messing with things. In the past, I’ve never stayed as sedated as much as they thought I’d be when I had to go under. After the first time in the hospital, Doc just took care of me at my house whenever he could, since the doctors at the hospitals kept messing up with the sedation.”
“I think if you hadn’t needed blood, he probably would have taken you to the clubhouse. He sounded resigned when he agreed with Patch that you had to go to the hospital.”
“Yeah, I bet he hated to admit it. But I do remember you talking to me and running your fingers through my hair. After a while, I could tell that you were getting sleepy, but I’m glad they let you still stay in there when you fell asleep. Knowing you were there and that you and the babies were safe staved off my need to rip those fuckers apart.”
“I hate that you had to feel everything they were doing to you. Just remember, I’m here for you if you need me. I’m sure our guests will be kept entertained until we’re stable enough.”
A strained, low laugh erupts out of him before he settles back down.
“And I’m there for you, lil’ sis. Try to get some sleep, Half-pint.”
“You too, Andre.”
I turn on my left side and am surprised to see Devil watching me. He mouths ‘thank you’ to me and I smile back at him. I’ll help Andre get his spark back, but I know I won’t be everything that he really needs. I’ve seen the way he watched my men and me earlier. He wants what we have, and I hope like hell there’s a woman out there for him.
It’s been two weeks since I got out of the hospital. I ended up having to stay a total of three nights. That first night, I developed a slight fever and an infection, but it started clearing up not too long after they got antibiotics in my system.
Doc had offered to stay back with Andre, saying he was going to need to teach Patch his tricks for taking care of him. It’s almost a four-hour drive to the Junction Creek clubhouse, so the doctors want Andre to stay close until his stitches heal a bit more before he drives that far. We offered a room for him and Doc in our house, which they gladly accepted.
I know Andre’s struggling with nightmares, and I confided in him that I am, too. I’m pretty sure that’s part of why he accepted our offer, but that was also why I asked the guys if it would be okay if they stayed with us. I know he’d want as few guys as possible to know about his nightmares, though I didn’t tell my men about his nightmares.
Aside from Doc, the rest of Reaper’s crew went back to Junction Creek the day after I was discharged. There was a party that night welcoming me back home, and I made sure to send food to Andre and his guards. We’re still not sure if other Black Plague members will retaliate and come after us.
Today, Andre’s finally okay enough to get discharged. I’ve visited him every day and made sure to bring him food and anything he needs to keep from dying of boredom. His words, not mine.
He confided in me that he loves to read and I’m not going to lie, we totally bonded on our shared favorite genres. Though he did make me swear to not tell anyone what he reads. To help keep his secret, I made covers for each of the books I bought so he could read without his brothers knowing what they really were. On top of the books, I made sure they had some cards and brought in some movies he told me he likes. Thankfully, they had a DVD player in the room, so I didn’t need to bring one in for him.
As Thor pulls his new truck into the hospital parking garage, I try to clamp down on my nerves. Every day that we’ve come here, we had to drive past the intersection where we had wrecked and where Black Plague were able to finally get their hands on me and Andre.
After the first day and my freak out, my men took different routes to the hospital, but my gaze always went in the direction of that dreaded intersection. I know with time that these feelings will pass and fade, and I’m so ready to be at that point.
I’ve already filled a couple of journals full of my feelings, fears, and hopes. I plan to burn the blue ones when I feel I’m ready to put it all behind me.
The second day I was visiting Andre, he asked me about what I had said that first night. About how I’d use my coping mechanisms from the first time Black Plague had kidnapped me.
“Half-pint, there’s something you said that first night that keeps nagging me, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask you about it until now.”
I sit cross-legged in a chair next to his bed, and other than twirling a pen, I give him my full attention. Ever since our kidnapping, I always have to be doing something with my hands. I can’t sit still.
“What’s that?”
“What do you do to cope? How do you bring yourself out of those dark thoughts and not let them eat away at who you are?”
