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The rain battered down outside the warehouse, blowing in through the open door. Connor stood, immobile, but behind that blank look, the gears were turning. I stood unflinchingly and stared right back at him.
This was going to be the moment that either cemented or broke our friendship.
Finally, Connor re-lit the cigarette I’d given him earlier. He took his time about it, the lighter throwing flickering shadows across his face. It wasn’t a look of defeat so much as resigned acceptance, and he hadn’t punched me in the face, yet, so I slouched down against the shipping container next to him to wait it out.
"So. It's true love, then?” Connor asked. “With the daughter of Lorenzo fucking Moretti."
"Adopted."
"I feel that's a distinction I'm going to be hearing a lot."
My lips twitched in the most cautious of smiles. "You'd like her, Connor. She's real."
"I would hope so."
"You know what I mean." I exhaled up at the rafters, trying to gather my words. "She's real in the way that most people in our line of work aren't. Anchored to the earth. Content with her simple little life, only it's not little, not to me. It's something you can grasp and hold onto, something steady and constant and nothing like I ever thought I would want. Not in a million years."
I suspected Connor knew exactly what I meant. I’d seen the subtle changes in him ever since he’d started seeing Cassidy, changes I was beginning to recognize in myself. "She's a mess. Laughs as much as she cries, blushes at a kiss but she's got a mouth that would make Sloane blush. She's messy and she's loud, and she'd rather have her nose in a book than speak to another human being, but I’m in love with her, Connor."
I’m in love with her.
I repeated the words quietly to myself. Those words had been the act of a desperate man the last time I’d said them, trying to hold onto something I barely understood as it slipped through my fingers. I understood them, now.
I missed Emilia. Women used to be a diversion for me. A way to pass the lonely night. A bottle rocket of pleasure and company in my bed, fizzled out before it even got started. Not the slow build of heat I felt from her, itching through my veins and into my brain, my heart, my cock, until I was consumed with the very thought of her. Everything I saw, touched, smelled, ate, I wondered what she’d think about it. What she would say. If that little crease between her brows would appear in a frown or if her lips would quirk up in a reluctant smile, broadening to something so brilliant I felt it illuminate every inch of me. I wanted to be the one to put that smile on her face.
Today and the rest of our tomorrows.
You don’t know a thing about love, Alfie.
What I thought was love had merely been obsession. I wanted her. I needed her. But I hadn’t done a thing to deserve her.
Connor was watching me. "I never thought I'd see the day when cupid's fucking arrow would finally claim the great Alfie Doyle."
Touche.
"Never thought I'd see the day when you'd let someone into that frozen heart of yours either, Connor."
"So should I start drafting letters of condolences to the greater female population of South Boston, then?"
"Fuck you, Connor."
The relief in room was palpable, the chasm between us mended as quickly as it had been torn. Both of us stood, brushing off our clothes and fussing with our hair and the contents of our pockets in the way that men do after an awkward moment passes between them and neither knows what to say.
"I'm not going to apologize,” Connor grumbled. “because you should have told me."
"I know."
"Still. I'm happy for you."
So would I, if I hadn’t already blown it with Emilia. Walking away had been the biggest mistake of my life, a mistake I was going to do something about. I’d always thought of myself as more of a lover than a fighter, but you don’t grow up in South Boston without knowing how to scrap, and I intended to fight for her like a Southie dock rat if that was what it took to get her back.
"Thanks." I forced a grin. "Can we just keep this between us for now, though? This isn't the best time to be bringing something like this to Callum."
Like there was ever a good time to tell your boss you’re sleeping with the enemy.
Connor nodded. "Let's keep it to neutral territory for now, yeah?"
Sounded fine by me. I wasn’t too keen on getting shot again.
