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I knew what it was like to make a mistake when you were young. And then have to pay for it as an adult. I was living with that every damn day.
“We make mistakes. We’re human. We don’t always get it right,” she said.
“How did you deal with it?”
“First, I needed to know he was okay. He used to see a therapist, a couple of them. He’s moved on from all the trauma of the past. Being a part of the MC world exposes you to things that leave deep scars. You have to learn how to process them. And a lot of the time, you have to learn how to live with guilt.”
“Have you learned to live with yours?”
“I have. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Especially when you point it in your own direction.” She smiled and it was big and bright. She really was beautiful. In the strange hierarchy of the motorcycle club, she was considered the baby queen next to Ronnie. The other women looked up to her. The men respected her. Yet she seemed so unfazed by it all. She leaned forward and raised a perfect eyebrow at me. “Want to tell me what’s on your mind.”
Did I?
I had kept my secret for a lifetime. Carried the weight of it on my shoulders for my whole adult life. But sharing it would be a burden, and now wasn’t the right time.
“Maybe another time.”
Indy wasn’t the type to push. But she knew I was hiding something. Something big. But she nodded. “Whenever you’re ready.”
After Indy excused herself to hit the dance floor with her husband, I slipped away to find a bathroom. I needed a moment away from the music and the celebrations to catch my breath and calm the uneasiness churning in my stomach.
I had come close to telling her my secret.
And that was bad.
Because that move would be a dangerous one, one that could cause me to lose Noah for good.
I found a bathroom on the second floor, and once inside, I stood at the sink and pressed a dampened paper towel to my face.
I was being drawn into the inner sanctum of the club because of Bull and my feelings for him. And the club had opened their arms to me and Noah, and for the first time in my life I felt like we had a family. But I had a secret that told me I wasn’t worthy, and I was struggling with the weight of it.
As I turned to leave, I heard someone vomiting in the cubicle.
“Are you okay in there?” I asked.
The toilet flushed and the door opened.
It was the bride.
“Don’t mind me,” she said with a weak smile as she made her way over to the sink. Our eyes met in the mirror as she started to wash her hands. “Just my luck, morning sickness will turn out to be an all-day sickness.”
She was pregnant.
“How far along are you?”
“Almost three months.” She stopped washing her hands and braced them on the sink as another wave of nausea rolled through her. “And God help me if the next six months are going to be like this.”
She drew in a deep breath
“Does anyone know?”
She shook her head.
“Not even my husband.” Her eyes widened a little. “Boy, I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to saying that. My husband.” A big smile spread across her face. “I only found out yesterday. I thought the nausea and headaches were stress from all the crazy wedding plans. Thought I was overdoing it, you know.”
“That’s amazing news, Autumn. Congratulations.”
She sat down on the little bench near the windows. “We were going to wait. I mean, we want to start a family eventually. It’s just, we have so many other things planned. Maverick wants a big family, I’m talking, five or six kids. Whereas I didn’t think I wanted any until I met him.” She blew out a deep breath as another wave of nausea washed over her.
I took out a small bottle of ginger supplements from my purse and handed them to her. “These should help,” I said. I grabbed a paper cup from the dispenser on the wall and filled it from the water fountain before handing it to her. “The last time I was on a boat, I got terrible seasickness. I thought it was better to be safe than sorry.”
She took one, followed by a gulp of water. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you.”
As she took another mouthful of water, the light caught the crown pendant around her neck, and I couldn’t help but recall the look of absolute affection on Maverick’s face when he’d asked her to be his queen and slipped it around her neck.
And for some stupid reason, my heart started to whisper to me about wearing the crown pendant of the president.
