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“What thefuck?”
“Kidding, just kidding!” She pulled his gaze back to hers. Forcibly. “Hey, you still with me? I was trying to make you madbecause…Make-up sex. They say it’s the best kind.” She grinned up at him, hoping to coax a smile.
He rolled his eyes, but his mouth twisted into a reluctant grin. “You,” he said, “are too bloody cheeky for your own good, andI’vechanged my mind about letting you celebrate any way you want. I’m also having second thoughts about giving you the surprise I bought you.”
“You bought me a surprise? Ugh, I hate surprises.” She pouted. “Tell me what it is.”
“No.”
“Not even if I promise to do number twenty-six on that list we made the other day in the car?” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
He cocked his head, all his attention back on her. “You’d do that for me?”
“Of course. Now tell me what my surprise is.”
“Good to know, but the answer’s still no. Not even if you let me do number twenty-seven to you.”
“Oooh, you flirtin’ with me in public, Surfer-Boy?”
“Maybe.”
“Then my work here is done. How about you show me the way home?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
He gripped her hand, leading her from the bar and outside to a taxi rank where he bundled her into the first cab they saw. The whole way back to the hotel he remained silent as a statue.
She could only hope it was because he was trying to keep his surprise a secret and not because he was violently pissed at her. As always with Xavier, it could have gone either way.
Closing the hotel door behind them, he blocked her view and stopped her from going any further inside.
“Close your eyes and stay right here,” he commanded.
Obedient due to the promise of a gift, she closed her eyes and stood silently, waiting for some signal that would give her a clue to his mood. Still, she couldn’t help raising her eyebrows in surprise as a strange humming sound emanated from somewhere in their room. She frowned as it got louder and louder.
What the hell?Either he’d bought her an enormous electric toothbrush, or their room was right next to an Amtrak line.
“Xavier?”
“Ok, open.”
He stood before her, grinning and gesturing to the bed. On it lay a huge bunch of red roses, tied with an enormous red ribbon. The source of the strange sound, however, was the fact that among the many blooms was an assortment of the strangest looking fake penises she had ever seen in her life. Each of them vibrated merrily, some even gyrating in small circles, causing the roses to move about with a life of their own, bouncing and waving wildly on the bed.
So relieved she could hardly speak, she dissolved into a fit of giggles. “You…you bought me a bouquet of dildos?”
“A collection of cocks,” he corrected with mock solemnity.
“A plethora of penes.”
“A myriad of members.”
She moved closer to the bed, where the whole thing was attempting to wiggle its way to freedom in five directions at once.
After a quick tally, she said, “We need more than six to break the law.”
He dropped down to one knee and from behind his back presented her with one more long-stemmed red rose tied with a black satin bow. Next to it, humming merrily, was the largest, blackest fake cock she’d ever seen in her life.
“As the lady wishes,” he said as he presented it to her.
