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Neither distance nor forty-eight hours had diminished Xavier’s yearning for her, though, which was both a new and a bad thing. A terrible thing. He’d never yearned before. It had taken him half the night to even give it a name. He’d said it so many times it had lost its meaning. He was still searching for a more manly term for it.Hungerdidn’t quite have the same nuance. Plus, it had made him hungry. The empty bag of Doritos beside him on the hotel bed was scrunched up like a bag of regret. As was the empty bottle of bourbon as well. So much for being in training.
Hope was right. He’d used his training for the CSLSA event as an excuse to avoid intimacy. Until today, he hadn’t even paused his usual routine. At least he’d managed a jog that morning from the car park to his hotel room because it was raining. In his defence, what else did he have to focus on? He’d spent years getting ready for this event. He needed to remain distraction free. At least that was the theory. It wasn’t working out too well.
Xavier was into his second straight hour of staring at the ceiling and trying to talk himself into forgetting about Hope when his phone buzzed.
The text message surprised him. No. That was an understatement. It positively floored him.
Apparently at some point the previous night, his bourbon-soaked self had texted her, and for some reason, it looked like she’d texted him back. Against all expectations, she said she wanted to talk.
He knew he should call her straight away, but the mobile phone sat in his hand unused.Cellphone, as Hope would have called it. They’d once gotten into a light-hearted argument about who was right. She’d won, but only because it had involvedturning on the hotel’s porn channel while sucking on ice and undoing his pants. The girl could really play dirty.
The pleasant memory did nothing to help decide what he should do next. The phone felt heavy.
He’d never expected to hear from her again. He would never want to break up a family, although that was exactly what he’d asked her to do. He’d been such a fucking idiot, doubly so for taking this long to realise it.
Finding out about her brother’s illness had made a whole lot fall into place. Her obligation, her compliance, but more importantly, her need to break free from that. All he’d been trying to do was give her another option, one where she could find her own voice. He should have been more patient. He’d blundered in and forced an ultimatum on her. He felt a bit sick thinking about it. The Dorito and bourbon cocktail in his stomach swirled unpleasantly.
The fight between him and Hope had been brutal. It was the kind of fight that usually ended with a drink thrown in someone’s face. The kind you’d never expect from two people engaged in a no strings, cross-country, sex-law-breaking crime spree. It had hurt far more than that. Breaking up with Beth hadn’t been nearly as tough.
Despite Hope’s protestations to the contrary, her father’s pleas had sounded manipulative to Xavier’s ears. They used guilt to keep her close, always had. All he’d done was try to point that out.
The other part of their fight, about him, had been even worse. He’d accused her of breaking into his phone. Hope had claimed it was more innocent than that. She maintained she’d accidentally read a message as it popped up on his phone while he’d been taking a shower. Granted, his locked phone did display text messages like that, but that hadn’t stopped him from making it about the invasion of his privacy.
Violation of confidentiality wasn’t what Hope had wanted to discuss. She’d complained that he’d ripped off all the masks she wore, and yet he hadn’t done the same.
The fight had ended with tears, recrimination, and bitter words. He’d quickly gathered his things, telling a teary Hope to talk to her family and sort her life out. He wasn’t quite sure if it had come off as noble or cowardly. Regardless, for Xavier it was the end, a terrible full stop to an incredible time in his life. Only it wasn’t.
More accurately, it wasn’t if he could get his shit together fast enough to respond to her text message. The phone had already gone dark in his hands.
If he wanted her back, he was going to have to be far more open and honest with her. The question was, was Hope worth it? Did he care enough to let her into his life, if only for a little bit longer?
Swiping the phone, he began to type.
* * *
“This is neutral ground, huh?”
The Ferris wheel rotated skyward behind Hope as teenagers ran past firing water pistols at one another. The Indiana State Fairgrounds was busy enough, but nowhere near the numbers he’d expect for a State Fair. The fact it was the last day probably explained the lack of crowds.
“What could be more neutral than a fairground? I mean,fairis right there in the title.”
Hope rolled her eyes. “Idiot.”
At least they still agreed on the important things.
Their meeting was awkward. Their usual greeting had been a passionate kiss quickly followed by nakedness. This time, they’d settled on a clumsy hug. Despite promises from both sides that they wanted nothing more than to talk, they had mutually agreed meeting at a hotel would be a terrible idea.
“Should we walk?” Hope asked.
As they wove through the crowd, they covered generalities first. Her flight? Good. His drive? Good.
They’d lapsed into a weird silence after that. The gap in conversation was briefly filled with corndogs and cotton candy. After that, the lack of talk became all encompassing, an exceptionally large and colourful elephant in the room.
Xavier finally broke the deadlock. “Look, I’m sorry for the stupid things I said. You were hurting, and I kind of added to it. Like you said, I’m an idiot. Sorry.”
Hope nodded.
He hoped she accepted the apology. Xavier didn’t know why he’d hurled such hateful words. In the heat of the moment, when Hope mentioned that they were a fleeting thing, it had enraged him. In that fraction of a second, he’d been furious at the reality of their situation, and by the time he’d realised what he’d said, it was too late.
