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"Hurry up, Dad." She shouts, running out to the car. "You have to drop me off right now."
I grab the suitcase I packed earlier and lock the house up hoping I have not forgotten anything, but also thinking that nothing else really matters right now, nothing but getting to where Gabi is and asking her to marry me.
I drop Bella at her friend's house, and she runs inside excitedly after giving me the biggest hug and a kiss on my cheek. The words she whispered in my ear were still fresh in my mind when I drove away.I can't wait for us to be a family.
It fills me with happiness that she is ready for me to be with someone again. And it completely terrifies me at the idea that Gabi might not even say yes.
I board the plane with chaos in my mind. Worry, fear, happiness, longing, excitement, wonder and so many other things.
CHAPTER 19
GABI
Icringe at the knowledge that I am pregnant. I never could have planned for this and never in a million years would I have chosen to be a single mom. Everything that I have worked so hard for seems to be slipping away from me. I cannot believe I am going to be a single mother. So many of my friends grew up with only a mom and no dad in their lives and I know how difficult it was for those families. I am losing my dreams, my passion, and my business, all because I made the stupid mistake of being with someone who is not interested in a future with me. I fight back tears. I hold my breath and squeeze my fists tightly, fighting the urge to cry. Eventually, I regained a small bit of my composure and slowly let my breath out of my screaming lungs.
I sigh. I always promised myself I would never have kids unless I was married and with someone who I knew was the right person. Now here I am alone, pregnant, and feeling terrified.
But there is nothing I can do to change the situation now. Alex made it clear through how he treated me, through his actions, that I am just a dirty little secret to him. Someone he can't even be bothered to introduce to his friends properly and I know I don't need that kind of shit in my life. I needed something real and what we had was obviously not real, no matter how much I wanted it to be.
I just need to do what I have done my entire life. I need to be strong.
I need to embrace the challenges I have been given and make the most out of whatever is going to happen from now on. My business will become mysecondfocus. I will have to hire additional trainers and coaches. I can make this work though. I know I can. It will not be easy, but I know myself. I know I can do this.
But first I need to talk to my mother. She will have some good advice for me, and even if she does not have advice, I just need someone to talk to. I stand up and go to look for her. I find her sitting in the living room.
"Mom?" I stick my head into the living room where my mother is sitting working on her latest needlework project. "Do you have a moment?" She is alone and it is the first time in ages that the house has been this quiet. It is the night before the wedding, and everyone is resting before tonight's preparation party.
"Of course, Gabi darling, come in and talk to me." She puts down her needlework and pats the old chair next to her.
I sit down, not sure where to start, but knowing I will feel better after I have told her. At first, I wanted to wait until after the wedding, but my mom has been a huge strength throughout my life so I know she will be there for me today.
"Mom. I need to tell you something and it is not easy." I take a deep breath.
"That is alright. I am sure once you say it will not seem as bad as you think it is." She smiles warmly at me, her voice reassuring and safe.
"Mom, I am pregnant," I say. I could have talked around the issue for a while, but what is the point? I know my mother and she is direct and strong. So, I just say it as it is.I am pregnant.The confession and the first time I have said these words out loud startled me. I blink back panic and look wildly around the room expecting something huge to happen, but nothing happens. My mom's reassuring voice draws my attention.
"Is it Alex? Is he the father?" she asks me. I notice her eyes begin to shine with the threat of tears.
"Yes. He is the father." I confess. A single tear falls down her face, but she wipes it away quickly and smiles.
"Aah. Sweetheart. Does he know?"
"No, Mom. I have not told him. I don't think I am going to."
She shakes her head. "Gabi, you will make the most wonderful mother and I know you will be happy. But you need to tell him. It is not fair of you to block him out of an experience like this. He has a right to know. He has a right to make the choice for himself." She says to me. I think for a moment, but the thought of telling him and facing that conversation is too terrifying. "No, Mom. I am not going to speak to him. He has made himself clear enough and I will never beg a man to be proud of being with me. He was hiding me from his friends before I was pregnant. Imagine how embarrassed he will be of me now that I am carrying a baby."
I shake my head while I speak to try and make sure my mother understands just how serious I am.
"Not just any baby though, Gabi, you are carryinghisbaby." She stares at me, and I don't reply. "So, you want to raise this baby alone?"
"Not alone, Mom, I will raise it with my family." I insist, trying to sound brave.
"You live far away from us, Gabi. You will always have your family, and we will, of course, support you, but most of the time you will be alone with your baby. Why don't you want Alex to be there, to at least have the choice?" She pushes me a little, challenging my mindset.
"I can't Mom. Please understand that." I say sadly.
She watches my face carefully for a moment.
