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What the fuck. I think to myself, gritting my teeth together.
She pulls her face out of my hands and buries it back against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, and thoughts fly through my head.
We are way past talking to the principal.
What else can I do? What else is there to do?
I guess for now what I need to do is just be here for Isabella. I will have to come up with a solid plan though - soon.
I hold her in my arms, and we sit like that for half an hour. She calms down and her crying stops. Neither of us has said anything the entire time because I just know how useless my words will be right now. I feel like I am failing her as a father - like I am not able to protect her. I can't stop thinking that over and over in my mind while I'm holding her.
Eventually, I pull her away from me again.
"Come on, munchkin. Let's warm up our dinner and eat something. I got your favorite from that Chinese place - the stir-fry."
She looks up at me and even the thought of her favorite food doesn't bring a sparkle to her eyes like it usually does.
"Thanks, Dad." She says softly as she climbs off my lap and goes to the kitchen to get plates out.
We eat in silence again and even though I am reluctant to admit it, I think I know what I have to do. I just do not see any other options right now. This incident has really pushed me past my usual boundaries, and I'm starting to think about letting her take Gabi's self-defense class.
After dinner, I turn on a bath for Isabella and bring her an ice pack for her eye. While she is soaking in the warm water, I quietly let myself out of the house and go over to the recycling bin.
Lifting the lid, I see the crumpled-up paper is right on top where I had thrown it the day before. I reach in and grab it.
Standing in the front garden I glance over at Gabi's house which looks quiet.
I am reluctant to admit it, but I guess she was right. Talking is not always the answer and somehow Isabella will need to learn to feel confident.
I straighten up the page and read briefly through the pamphlet.
Teaching kids to stand up for themselves and bringing an end to bullying. I sigh and try and rub the wrinkles out of the paper. I then fold it up neatly and slip it into my pocket.
Back inside the house, Isabella is out of the bath and in her pajamas. She is already in bed.
I knock lightly on her door. "Bella? Can I come in?"
She nods without saying anything and I walk into her softly lit room, fairy lights flickering around her bed frame. I take a seat on her bed and tuck a stray strand of her light blonde hair out of her eyes, uncovering the bruise that she was trying to hide.
I sigh softly. "Isabella, do you want to go to Gabi's self-defense class tomorrow?" I say in defeat.
Isabella's face shoots up to meet my gaze. Her eyes lock with mine and I see a bright light shining in them. "Really, Daddy? You will let me go?"
"We can try it out, yes," I say, resolved to the fact that after everything this might be the thing that finally helps my little girl.
"Oh, thank you." She says, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. "I want to go tomorrow. Please. As soon as possible. I just want to go."
The excitement in her voice eases my heart a little and I hug her back. Holding her tightly. I have no idea what else to do so this is what I will do.
"OK, try and get some rest. You can take the day off tomorrow and we can go down to the gym in the morning and you can have your first class, ok?"
Isabella leans back in her bed, and I'm surprised to see a giant smile spread across her face. "I'm so excited, Dad. I am going to learn how to stop those boys because I don't know how to stop them - you know. I just want them to stop, that's all." Her voice trails off, but she is still smiling, and I finally accept that I've made the right choice to let her do this.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I might have been wrong this whole time. I guess desperation leads you to new places eventually.
"Are you ready for some bedtime stories?" I ask Isabella.
"Yup, but I need to pick a new book. We finished the other one."
