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Slowly but surely, my new life started to feel less like a dream and more like a reality. It had been possible to shut the door on my life in New York without actually having to return there, which was something of a relief—greater than I thought, even.
There was probably a lesson to be learned, in that I was in charge of the timing of my life, including when I could shut one door and open the next. There weren't any imaginary limitations on it and no obligatory waiting period.
And the love that lay beyond the new door was Graham and Collins.
She had been cheerful and bright when Graham and I sat her down to explain how I was going to be around a lot more often than before.
“We can do a sleepover with Aunt Lauren,” Collins chirped. “Girls’ night, which means no boys, Dad.”
“What if I want my toenails painted?” he teased her. “I’ll let you pick the color.”
“Even pink?” Collins asked.
“I think my toenails would look nice pink, don’t you?”
“Maybe,” Collins said, hesitating a little—enough for me to notice and take note. Graham hadn’t asked me to look out for her like this, but I was still willing to and unable to stop, especially after my education and training.
“So, it’s okay if I stay with you all for a while?” I asked Collins, wanting to be sure. This was her home, after all, and she deserved a say in things.
“That’s fine,” she said, her light curls bouncing as she nodded seriously. “You can sleep in my room if you want to. You’re going to have to share the bed with me, of course. And all the stuffed animals. But don’t worry. If you don’t like that, you can sleep on the floor with more stuffed animals, so you don’t get lonely.”
It wasn’t the confirmation anyone was looking for, though I thanked Collins profusely for her generosity.
Prior to this conversation, Graham and I had gone back and forth over how to broach the subject of our relationship with his daughter. I advised him to be as straightforward as possible with both the approach and the answers to any follow-up questions Collins might have, but Graham preferred to keep everything as ambiguous as possible.
“Please don’t make me have the birds and bees talk with my four-year-old,” he had practically begged. “I’m not ready for that. No father is ready for that. I would rather die.”
“A little age-appropriate honesty goes a long way,” I’d promised him. “It mitigates questions that will make you squirm later in life. Think about it! How much more fulfilling and insightful your life would be if your parents had given you the talk when you were her age?”
“If my parents had conspired to ambush me with some disgusting talk like this, I’m certain it would have killed me,” he announced. “Don’t, Heather.”
Well, I hadn’t. I was true to my word, and I respected Graham’s wishes for his daughter. Did I agree with it? Hell, no. She would’ve been better off knowing right away what was going on, but I was certain she would figure it out soon enough. She was a bright girl.
However, neither of us had been prepared for Collins’ actual response to the news that her father and I were together.
“Actually, Collie, Heather’s going to be sleeping in my room. With me.” Graham glanced at me quickly before returning his gaze to his daughter.
Collins mulled this over for a few long moments before she looked at me quizzically. “Are you sure you want to?” she asked. I only assumed it was because she considered boys and their underwear and socks that tended to pile up to be utterly rancid. She was right in that assessment, even if I was supposed to encourage harmony, encouragement, and acceptance.
I smiled. “Yes, I’m sure.”
Graham forged forward. “Heather and I are friends. Good—well, special friends.” Oh, great. I’d told him how confusing euphemisms could be for children of Collins’ age. “Do you have any questions about that? About what it means for us to be special friends?”
“No,” Collins said. “I already know. Aunt Lauren told me.”
Uh-oh. My face dropped almost even more than Graham’s did. Nothing good could come from whatever Collins was about to disclose. I could smell it from a mile away, and still, I couldn’t act to mitigate anything. Collins was simply going to inform us about her new knowledge, and we were going to sit there and listen.
“What exactly did Aunt Lauren tell you?” Graham asked delicately.
“That you and Heather just get to kiss a lot now,” Collins recited matter-of-factly as if she’d memorized it.
Graham exhaled heavily and covered his eyes while I somehow trapped my laughter behind the neutral smile I maintained throughout this conversation.
“That might be part of it,” I said, taking the lead to let Graham have a chance to regain his composure. Poor Lauren. He was going to kill her. “But it means lots of other things, too.”
“Like what?”
“Like we like each other,” I said. “Love each other, even.”
