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We’ve skirted around the topic of their departure to work with Max down south. I would never want to hold them back, yet the thought of enduring their absence again terrifies me. I yearn to voice this fear, but the words seem lodged in my throat.
Our pack bond, however, speaks for me, transmitting my tumultuous emotions to him. Ashton swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing, reflecting his inner turmoil. He opens his mouth as if to speak, then closes it, as if words are too clumsy for what he feels.
“Never again,” he finally whispers, his voice cracking. “Next time, if there’s a next time, we’ll go together. All of us.”
His declaration sends a ripple of relief and apprehension through me. “I—” I begin, but my voice falters.
Ashton steps forward, his finger pressing firmly into my shoulder, his eyes alight with a fire that speaks of deep-seated emotion. “Don’t you dare put us second again,” he implores, his voice a blend of frustration and pleading.
All I hear, though, is him tell me not to put him second again.
I want to soothe him, to ease the tension, but my own emotions are a whirlwind. “My responsibilities?—”
“No,” he interrupts, his voice firm yet laden with emotion. “You’ve always prioritized everything else over us. It can’t continue like this. If we go, you must come with us.”
“It’s complicated, Ashton,” I reply, the words tinged with my own frustration and pain. I had hoped for a different conversation, perhaps one that would revisit the intimacy of this morning. “My father?—”
“Is a narcissist,” he interjects, his tone bitter.
“Just let me speak,” I plead, my voice rising in desperation.
He bites back his response, giving a curt nod, his jaw clenched in frustration.
I take a deep breath, the cold air stinging my lungs. “I’m aware of my father’s nature, but I’m all he has left,” I confess, the words heavy with unspoken grief.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Ashton says softly, his hand falling away from my shoulder, leaving a cold absence that somehow hurts more than the pressure.
I close my eyes, battling the surge of emotions. “Without an heir, I can’t just walk away,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “His actions don’t change my obligations.”
Ashton’s impatience is palpable. “What are you trying to say, Dev?”
Swallowing hard, I search for the right words to convey what I’m feeling, to explain what my previous statements couldn’t. “My mother... if she, if my father...” Grief surges within me, a molten torrent as I grapple with the words. “If they had another child, and I stepped down, that child would legally be my father’s. I can’t allow him access to any potential sibling.”
“You’re protecting a hypothetical,” Ashton observes, his brow furrowing as a flicker of understanding crosses his face.
I grind my teeth, frustration mounting because it’s so much more than that. “They do exist,” I whisper shakily.
The color drains from Ashton’s face, and he scans our surroundings, but we are alone out here, with no one to overhear or spill the secret that’s been burning inside me for what feels like a lifetime.
“What?” His surprise is understandable. Secrets are the currency of council members, and it seems I haven’t fallen far from that tree.
“I tracked them down,” I confess, the words tumbling out in a rush. It doesn’t surprise me that Ashton is the first I’m confiding in. “I had this absurd thought that if I could find them, then so could my father. I convinced myself it was for the best, for their protection.” Initially, that was true, but my motives blurred astime passed. My heart pounds in my ears, making it hard to focus.
“You found them,” he says, his eyes filled with a mix of sympathy and a hint of pity and betrayal that I never told him anything about this. Ashton and Avery come from a loving family, and they would go to great lengths for us. Maybe it is selfish, but I yearned for my mother and her pack to know they have my loyalty.
I nod briefly. “Twice.” His shock reverberates through our bond before he swiftly shields his emotions. “The first time I found them, they were in Requiem.” The small fishing town lies in the northeast, at the very tip of Terra.
“By the Fates,” he whispers.
“I didn’t approach them directly. Instead, I traveled an hour away, carrying a bottle of scent reduction and suppressants.”
“That’s highly illegal,” he interjects, his voice tinged with surprise.
“I had no choice,” I insist, the cold air biting at my skin. “If I hadn’t, he might have found them. I went to a library near the Forsaken Forest and used a payphone. In the background, I could hear a baby crying.”
“What did you do? What did you say?” Ashton asks, his eyes widening in disbelief. “And what... what did she say?”
“I wanted to prove to her that I chose her. That despite her leaving, my choice is her, always,” I say, the words tumbling out as the ache in my heart intensifies. “All I said was, ‘If I can find you, he can too. Don’t let that happen.’”
