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“So, get to know him,” Jaymee said as if stating the obvious, and I was deliberately obtuse. “Go to Fiji with him. Pick a fight to see how he reacts to conflict. Rip one off after dinner to see how he deals with you being a human being. Fall asleep with your head on his shoulder and let him hear you snore loud enough to wake the neighbors. Just give him a chance to know you. The real you.”
“What if he doesn’t like the real me? You know, the neurotic, OCD-driven, Type-A nightmare that I can be at my worst?”
“Then he’s not the one, but you had some good times. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, Bird. Even as much as I love and adore Phillip if he’s not the one, I’ll find another, and I’ll love that one even more. Auntie Jo used always to tell me, ‘Kid, life is for the living so go live it.’ And that’s what I do. You should try it. I think you’ll like it.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you’re the definition of a free spirit. I’m not made that way.”
“Someday, I’ll be a soccer mom and drive a minivan, but that’s not today — and it’s not today for you either. Stop acting like you’ve got one foot in the grave and your AARP membership is in the mail.”
I digested Jaymee’s wisdom. Goddamn, but she was right. I was living so cautiously, so timidly that I was missing out on what could be the grandest adventures of my life.
And for what?
Because a voice in my head made me promise to be more responsible than my free-wheeling parents? Why was I trying to change who they were through my actions?
Besides, the joke was on me, anyway. My parents were living their best life, growing vegetables and tending fruit trees with their fellow naked commune members, and not wasting a minute of thought on what society thought of their decisions.
I wanted to be more like that.
I’d never have the courage to try anything new or different if I kept obsessing about making a mistake.
“Fiji…” I mused, mulling it over. That would be a pretty big adventure to kick off my inaugural voyage toward the New, Less Neurotic Me. I would also come back with a killer tan. I chewed my bottom lip. Was I really going to do this? Jump feet first into the unknown with someone I barely knew aside from his ability to render me stupid with endless orgasms? I met Jaymee’s awaiting stare, deciding at that moment to go for it. “Can I borrow a bathing suit?”
Jaymee broke into a delighted grin and squealed as she toppled me over. “I thought you’d never ask. Let’s go shopping!”
