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I didn’t date much and when I did, I never brought people home. I hadn’t even brought Jessica to my place and I regretted that now.
I didn’t know why but it seemed like I should’ve.
I couldn’t have known she was going to be the mother of my child.
The test results aren’t in yet. Hold up on those types of thoughts.
Maybe it was Briar’s implicit belief that I was the father that I was already thinking of Victoria as mine.
It was a strange feeling.
But not entirely uncomfortable.
She was a cute kid.
Briar got Victoria to sleep and joined me in the airy living room. The open floor plan had been one of the major selling points for me. “Can I get you a beer or something?”
“Actually, I’d love a beer,” she admitted, almost gratefully.
I was relieved, too. Beer was a nice way to smooth the weirdness of having two strangers sharing space. I pulled two IPAs, popped the tops and handed over hers. She took a long swig, eyes closed with satisfaction and I was struck by the odd sensation of attraction.
I shut it down hard. For one, like I told Halford, it was tacky to even look sidewise at the best friend under these circumstances but also, I wasn’t about to make her uncomfortable with unwanted advances.
I would be the perfect gentleman because that’s just who I was as a person.
But I did venture to say, “Please tell me more about yourself. If we’re going to co-parent, we should get to know each other, right?”
Briar risked a short smile, agreeing as she sank into the soft leather sofa. “Okay, what would you like to know?”
“How did you and Jessica come to know each other?”
“Oh, we met in grade school, actually. Practically grew up together in a small town outside of Stockton. We agreed that we hated it there and knew we wanted to head to the Bay so when we graduated high school, that was the first place we went. We bounced around, trying to find the right fit, and then we landed in Berkeley and knew that it was going to be home.”
“I’ve only been once. I went to a street fair. I remember buying a CD the musicians were selling on the street corner. I think I still have it somewhere in a box. No one has CDs anymore.”
Briar laughed. “Yeah, I think the last CD I ever played, I was in grade school.”
I felt the heat color my cheeks. “Yeah, I’m a bit older than you and Jessica.”
“So, how old are you?”
“I turned 40 this year.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know but I had to ask, “And you?”
“Dirty thirty,” she answered, tipping her beer. She shared, reminiscing, “Jessica and I were planning to do it up big on our thirtieth birthdays but she died before we could follow through on our plans.”
“What were you planning?”
“Well, in typical basic, white girl fashion we were going to head to Vegas for a weekend. We had the money saved but we couldn’t find a sitter we trusted enough to watch Victoria. Neither of us had family who could watch her so we put it off until we could do some more nanny interviews. Honestly, I don’t think we ever would’ve found the right person but somehow it felt better to pretend that we might.”
The loss Briar felt for her friend was palpable. I wished I could find a way to ease the pain even though we didn’t really know each other. I wanted to help in some way but didn’t know exactly how.
“Victoria is one very lucky baby to have you in her life,” I said.
Briar chuckled ruefully. “You wouldn’t say that if you saw me before Jessica died. I wasn’t exactly organized enough to keep a houseplant alive, much less a child. Even now it feels like I’m constantly lurching from one potential trauma to the next. Keeping a tiny human alive is hard.”
“I can only imagine,” I murmured with a faint frown. Suddenly, I was thinking of all the potential hazards in my house that could possibly hurt the baby and I made a mental note to hire someone to baby proof the place if the test came back positive. “What was Jessica like as a mother?”
“She was the best,” Briar said without hesitation. “I mean, I always knew Jessica would be a great mom if she chose to go that route but when I saw her with Victoria…I was floored. Suddenly, she was so much moreadult-ythan I ever was. Actually, to be honest, it was intimidating at first. I thought, she’s growing so much faster than I am in that department when before we were pretty evenly matched. But I couldn’t possibly hold that against her when I saw how much love she had to give that baby girl. And then I couldn’t help but love Victoria just as much.” She surprised me when she added, “And before you say something like, ‘Well, women are naturally born to be mothers’ or some shit like that, I can tell you that’s absolutely not true. My own mother was an excellent example of how not to parent a child.”
